This may help me

There is one thing that does bother me and causes me to cry quite often and that is the fact that in the very very beginning before  my misdiagnosis was even on the cards, I ignored that very first warning to hanh fire on the old stress, this in a way was a double edged sword so if I had of I wouldnt have my youngest son Brad and that weighs very heavy on my heart. So in a perverse kind of way in the beginning it was all my fault,I wouldnt have had these last years of total misery and upset, if only I had listened. You see my very first warning had nothing to do with my balance being effected, so my Atlas would have remained in tact. It was a sensuary thing down my left side and I felt a little out of sorts.

I have to try and stop blaming myself and the fact that my personality gave my other half continuous, benefits of the doubt, forgiveness and second chances, he just wasnt the dependable reliable partner that he should have been, so therefore I took on his responsibilities as a parent and homemaker, I took on it all.

I now beat myself up, telling myself in my head how stupid and gullible that I had been. when in fact I should not, it wasnt my fault, just a set of very difficult circumstances, I am hoping that actually writing this down may help me to stop it and break the cycle, as does all make me incredibky sad, and having no-one to share and understand these thoughts make it a lonely cross to bear.

So call this blog my therapy, lets hope it has worked in putting this particular thing to bed.