Saturday 18 December 2010

The final piece in my puzzle

Last night I was watching a tv programme, where an experiment was being conducted. Several old celebrities were taken from their everyday life, and placed with others in a house that surrounded them in decor and memorable items indicative of  their younger adult years. The changes in their personalities and physical health was quite incredible where they interacted with eachother enjoying eachothers company, laughed again and had much fun together, it was a lovely transformation.

They had reached a time in their lives of old age, and adapted to it by behaving as an old person is expected to do so by society. We are so obsessed with the aging process, that we have made the people in that category irrelevant invalid and insignificant individuals, their identities are erased by societies indifference towards them, I suppose a lack of understanding and most importantly a respect.

And that is exactly what has happened to those who have received a diagnosis of MS (which in my opinion is a totally manmade condition) I believe that previous episodes experienced are our bodies warning of a stress overload, and is telling us to keep stress in check in future. But because a false diagnosis of ms and all that comes with it is given, idividuals are plucked from their current lives and thrust into one of, incredible doubt, and inconsistancies, which demoralises and creates fear of ones future. They are pushed and forcibly made to accept a total fictitious condition, when there are alternative isssues that are happening to them, as in my case.

So my bottom line is:
1.  A misaligned Atlas, caused by adapting to previous balance anomilies caused by some kind of stress warning.

2. Many psychological issues, including stress/anxiety which intensifies an underlying  neck and lower back ache to a very strong pain, and caused other knock on effects (google Dr Windman Atlas to get full array of symptoms caused)

3. Because the spine becomes twisted due to Atlas this then effects bladder meridian. and effects pressure points causing even more tension pain.

I was diagnosed 10 years ago on the say so of a possitive MRI, 10 years off my life was written off, just like that, and to me that is unforgivable.

I will now leave this as my last blog this year as it needs to be read by others. I now realise how damaging it is to frequent a certain website, that keeps people in this so called MS world, and welcomes others to this particular non existant gang, its not the users fault at all, but the organisers should have realised the possible alternatives involved, and not ploughed all monies raised for research, into a medical solution only, as only a cure can save, when that is so not the case. you CANNOT CURE what DOESNT EXIST. They have had  much money and resourses at their disposol . so why havent they used them properly? On this one there is no excuse. The NHS is also at fault as they too have been running with the wrong ball in those cases like me.

this is my final post for a while. because now it is the responsibility of those who drove people to this awful. terrible point, to get them out, no question. Perhaps its time for others more open minded and the young to now take charge, as this increasingly effects young adults Foolishness and short sightedness has influenced mine and I suspect many many others lives, its time to get it right.

Friday 17 December 2010

releasing the pressure

Went to see John my Chiro yesterday, and we have come to the conclusion after veiwing diagram on pressure points and corresponding them, all but one to my current problems are a match, from the ones in my left neck and shoulder area, to lower back and right leg. I invested in a deep tissue massager, and we dicussed what needs to be done to relieve the rigidity/tension caused by these areas.

So I had three things going on a misalligned Atlas, which effected the bladder meridian, which has also caused a problem with pressure points.

There are three pressure points on the abdomen, so I did place he massager on that area, and there was a familiar sensation experienced that first time.

So this seems to be the final solution to a very much complex situation, so all now is finally in hand, and now the code can be cracked,. So onwards and upwards I go.

On getting to this point, I think I just subconsiouly adapted tp every anomily, until it was finally impossible to stand upright. Now that I am reversing. I am conscious of all that is happening to my body, and finally my mind and body will become in tune with eachother.

I can see the light at the end of mine

I can finally see the light at the end of my tunnel, and when I eventually emerge to bathe in that wonderful sun, so bright  I have to shut my eyes, and it  heats and lights up my face. I then have two choices to make, walk away and happily continue with my life. or turn around and go back into that tunnel, which is the option I will take. and this is why. I am 47 and my chidren are young adults (and lovely ones at that) I would never abandon them never, nor will I those that remain lost in that tunnel, which I know is a very lonely unforgivable, and frightening  place to be. So who will stand in those kids corners, a Doctor, Nerologist or scientist, no, but I will, and I will help get them out of that tunnel, and bask in that new found light.

So alone I will no longer stand, but with many

so no pressure then

As my most recent problem is, a realy tight calf, that prevents me from standing, my weight not going down (when sitt)  through my right buttock, a neck ache that I always grab my left neck to shoulder area to relieve the ache, plus a lower back ache, plus a tension in my right thigh. also my right ankle has started to ache, my knee did hurt a few days ago, but after massaging two sore areas either side of my knee has now gone Well I think today whilst seeing my chiropractor we may be able to progress in knocking that particular nail on the head.

Because in all these areas are pressure points the ones in my right back thigh prevent me from putting that thigh down, so that is why my weight doesnt go down through my right buttock, and this I only realised whilst sitting on my shower chair less than 1/2 an hour ago. I am so chuffed that I have finally worked this one out, and it all makes perfect sense, a truely perfect sense.

anticipation is a pain

In the mornings, although painful I have to straighten my right leg as my calf musle has over these few weeks oncredibly tight (just a temp thing), but once stretched eases it. So I have got in the habbit of folding my quilt longways in half, and laying on my front to release it. I kneel on all four ready to fall forward knowing its going to hurt. But I have learnt something this morning, the more anxious and tense I get anticipating how much it is going to hurt, because my body tenses, makes it hurt even more, ouch, so this morning I concerntrated on relaxing, not easy, but I did it and do you know what, didnt hurt no where near as much. like laying on a bed of nails, I always wondered what the secret was, perhaps this is it eh!

So bottom line is: the anticipation and rigidity it causes in the body, causes the pain to hurt much more.

Thursday 16 December 2010

Cervical spine

If the cervical spine is comprimised by trauma or as in my case, balance related issues which I adapted to unable to adapt back, by trauma I mean any kind of accident to the head area that stresses the neck in some respect. The cervical spine (neck)  is crucial to our mechanics, if is out, can or will cause all sorts of problems elsewhere in the body, its amazing, I have learnt so much about my own make up in these passed months.

open mind

I am sure that there are many Doctors out there, that believe  that there is a place for alternatives in medicine, in my case a chiropractor and those that help relieve stresses and anxieties, the psychological fraction in life. Stress contributes to in heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure, even reasponsible for eating disorders, self harming the list is endless because it all involves psychology an important side of life, thats why psychologists are invaluable.

To persue medical research only in curing MS is to me the greatest mistake of all. I know this sounds incredible, but you CANT cure what doesnt EXIST. As it has been manufactured over many, many years. I am lucky I have found my answers. But the I am alright Jack scenario doesnt sit right with me, so I'll keep blogging until the penny finally and deffinitely drops.

Surely there is some comprehensive stats somewhere, I keep looking but can't really find any. There should be accessible graphs and statistics we can all see, i.e. age clusters, occupations I have noticed quite a few teachers, have all these years been wasted, no wonder they are running with the wrong ball, there hasnt been environmental or timing studies i.e. stress relation. I am just an ordinary mum, but I know, it all falls short on the stats side, they've wasted all those years, just waiting for a cure. Madness pure madness. Surely MS society has an ideal opportunity to gather statistics from willing members on its boards, as an organisation they dominate the whole MS world, its hard to find a different independents, but I have managed to curve ball round them in the end. As I disagree with their medical only approach.

freedom of speech, debate, oppinion is everything

As you are all aware I frequented an MS site that was available to all, before being falsley ejected, through some made up allegations and an obvious closing of ranks, this seemed rather unproffessional and unfair. I have just viewed a comment posted yesterday regarding  others thinking that their oppinions, views, and beliefs are above all others and can be quite off to those just expressing their own oppinions which they are perfectly entitled to do so. Its even their way or the highway. When I now think about the methods used to get me to go for good, was relying on the stress factor, which is really quite nasty, they kept on and on kind of heckling in a way so that others just couldnt consider what I was trying to say, whilst at the same time portraying themselves as really nice huggy kissy sweethearts and butter wouldnt melt, well i DONT think so. Then dont ask me how they did it, but all emails received by the organisers, higher up than the website manager, ignoring my appeals for justice, were deleted from my system, I didnt imagine them, this was also underhand as all my proof had gone.   We are all individuals, with our own oppinions ideas and beliefs likes dislikes what our religions and politics are, those should all be respected. I myself am not religious but that is my choice and my perogative. A particular board for "day to day living" has become strangled and taken over by a minority of people, the main body and bulk of people are, open minded etc and very very kind. The problem that has arisen that those who have used it as an "ego" boosting arena have driven away with the help of some outragious control by organisers of the website, much needed, variety of people all different qualities and personalities, nice people who could give excellect advice, and have chosen to move on and I dont blame them. There was an incredible possitive balance to the board people indicating their posts with the words "not ms" if about a different issue by *** if it was a joke, and always excellent advice and a range of it too given now the consideration of indicating a subjects content is not being totally observed which is frustrating to new users. Its got to the point people dare not say there oppinion, the boards balance has been systematically destroyed. It ran by itself by the people using it, a moderaters intervention only required when a distinct problem arose, and certainly not over oppinionated in any way, and they participated and interacted with others.

The reason I feel so strongly about all this, is because those who run it are a large organisation and I think some original and old users have become instatutionalised, and therefore can not be objective and open minded as many of us are, so they are restricting any kind of progress in thought which I believe is needed particularly by the youngest generation, its time to move over and consider there thoughts and ideas because then progress is made.

The "limbo" board is definitely the one to observe, lots can be learnt from there about current attitudes from the Neuros, not their fault just the lines they are instructed to follow.

I now climb down off of my soapbox. That weight that I have carried around for months and months has now been lifted. and I cant get banned yet again either. How good is that.

I am adding this here 26/12 as not to preceed my final post, but I have observed just now some posts on THE website and I find it so frustrating to read posts, where others do not know where to turn, in terrible mind and physical states. And I have been forcibly stopped, from accessing those people, this big organisation should be ashamed of silencing an alternative voice like mine, shame on them, big shame

Wednesday 15 December 2010

Limboland

This is an unforgivable place to be. Neurologists seem to be in a bit of a tight spot, as MRIs  are turning out to be clear, so are looking at other conditions that seem to fit the symptoms that are being experienced.It seems to be a very precarious situation, where conditions are being mentioned that I haven't even heard of before. Are they stabbing in the dark. seems to be the case ti me, this is all very very wrong, and these already stressed out people are being subjected to more detrimental stress, by an organisation such as the NHS that is supposed to help not cause even more damage. Its hard to watch, very hard indeed.

keep your hands to yourself

If I did take up the invitation to see a Neurologist, I am possitive all my behaviour issues would be indicative to MS, I would have failed every test given to me. I would have drowned in the NHS system as it stands today as only looking at me solely through medical eyes, where I would be given certain drugs to aleviate certain problems and possibly a side effect of that drug, creating yet another MS symptom, there would have been no end to it all, until a cocktail of drugs would have had to be taken. where as today I take none except an over the Asda counter ibruprofen. I am secondary progressive, and diagnosed by a positive MRI with lesions to brain and spine.

It is now time for me to next year, draw up a living will, which the bottom line will be, for the NHS to keeps its hands well and truely to itself as to regards any MS.


So its a great way to end 2010 and start 2011 with a new found clarity

They've got it so wrong

In my case, the have got it so wrong. As I have said, I have a mess, but no MS, my previous blog explains the reasons why. I am happy that in time I will be me again, It has taken 10 years to get this twisted, it will take time to twist back, but it is happening, slowly but it will happen.

Tuesday 14 December 2010

my research

As over these past years I have gathered research, I think the only sensible thing would be to tell you all my conclusions that I came to.step by step


Google Dr Windman Atlas, take note of the human diagram 

Then go to http://www.americanacupuncture.com then find the diagram of bladder meridian, then cross reference the points to Dr Windmans example.bl 10,bl 42,bl 47,bl27, bl54 & 31, bl 30, 39, 57 and finally 60  they all match.

Then go to http://www.aromacaring.co.uk and find the diagram of pressure points, they also mostly correspond.

Prior to these I was particularly interested in Noel Battens, case study  on Tiffany and her spine misalignment photgraph,

Hope this makes sense to you, the cross reference points that there are, are quite incredible

And that is why I have a mess, but not MS

stop stressing out young adults

Something that does really worry me, is the everyday stresses etc. which is placed on todays young adults, it is really not fair, there seems to be an incredible amount of pressure placed upon our young adults way beyond what is reasonable. Exams and just even getting into university must be massively stressfull. Lifes stress seems to spring out of the wood work as soon as they are out there, pressure pressure pressure, even learning to drive is expensive, not to mention taking their test, and insurance wow, and buying a house forget it. The older generation see them as a legitimate target as a money making entity.

I know this sounds old fashioned, but back in my day so much more enjoyable, today its just a world of targets and figures. Its time society took more care with the next generation and not to go over the top stress wise, we all can only take so much.

I have read that Canada has a higher rate of ms diagnosis than other countries, but then after checking they have quite a high rate of stress, coincidence, I think not.

I am lucky I can now see how destructive stress has been to me. We are just creating lifes future casualties, it needs to stop.

Don't waste it

There is one thing that over and over again crosses my mind, and I do get a little annoyed with myself that I was so soft.

Don't ever waste your well time on anyone or anything that just isn't going to change. Don't be so eagre to afford that benefit of the doubt and time and time give it.

Do not let one person influence your whole lifes decissions, make it more balanced and see what is beyond them.

I am more happier and resolute than I have ever been permitted, as there was always a drama that would take priority.

Because my mind was messed with, that then effected me physically, I suppose in a way my body took a beating without a finger being laid on it. 

Eventually after many years of being chipped at, my heart was eventually snapped in half, which then caused my whole body to crumble to floor.

Surely I would never be able to get up one last time, had I anything left, well YES I did. and this time I will do it my way.

They wont shut me up

I have thought long and hard about putting this info out to the general public because it is so controversial and unbelievable, I have taken great care as not to worry and frighten others, that is why I held back until the last few days in letting others who may be like me know. I wanted to let professional bodies know first. I decided that now was the right time to inform a selected few, who I needed to share my blog with and give them the opportunity to consider, and to make up their own minds on the subject. The only way that I could gain access to those in  "Limboland" was via a wellknown website, who really dont understand what my intentions are at all, and never have taken the time to find out.  Anyway, there is a far greater picture here, its too important for me to walk away (meterphorically speaking) and turn my back on those very same people (users of the site) that helped get me here, with their candid replies to my questions, or a silence, no response at all, and they were the greatest and most telling answers of all. So bottom line is I have been banished yet again (yawn yawn) But I was able to let between 20 -30 people know up until that point. So what I ask of  you now is, if you think that there may be something in what I am saying, please pass this blog on, I'll just have to rely on word of mouth from now on, but then thats the best recommendation of all. Lucky I cant get banned from here eh!

Monday 13 December 2010

The question that I would ask

I would love to sit infront of a top Chiropractor and Psychologist, and ask just two questions, well three actually,

To the Psychologist I would as "can a psychological stress intensify an underlying ache to a pain.

To the Chiropractor I would ask, "would a misalignment of the spine, cause a nervous tension."

Then to both I would ask "can the body influence the mind, and can the mind influence the body causing a catch 22 situation"

Not complicated at all. I love the bottom line.

it had crossed my mind

You know I was interested as to why few American footballers and no Rugby players were on the MS famous list, as I thought that there would be quite a lot, as my problems are cervical spine (neck) related, and their necks must take a massive amount of punishment. Well I've got this hot off the press from an American family member, well ex actually. Anyway he coaches a small team and he says that they have an orthopedic surgeon at hand and professional teams have chiroprators.

So that answers my question, what a great start to the day.

Oh and google sport chiropractor.

Mind vs body

When a child is told by a parent over and over and again that they are stupid, they end up believing it. I suppose in cases of misdiagnosis similar to me, and you are told over and over again, by a variety of medical personnel that you have ms, even if you have the slightest doubt, you are instructed to ignore it, and ACCEPT your fate, your life is suddenly taken from your hands, and then place all your trust in others, because you have now been made to think, you are no longer your own person, and for me that would have been such a bad thing.

The trouble is, that when people converse and swap stories of their own symptoms, which may be attributed by something totally different and that includes stress, as stress on stress makes a right fine mess, it gets bigger and bigger and never gets less, it feeds through the day it feeds through the night, it never lets you rest, there's no question it might. And theres the biggest catch 22 you have ever been faced with.

Because ms is based on uncertainty, no body can conclusively say that a particular drug, does not only have a placebo effect and that is it. But for those that it does becauase for you its a win win, because that means you are more in control of your body that you have been lead to believe. The mind state has the biggest influence on your body above any drug, they both work in harmony. A clear focussed mind is a wonderful thing, took a long time to find mine under all that rubbish, but I got here in the end.

Sunday 12 December 2010

This blog has helped me no end

This blog has helped me to offload loads of stuff that has swam around my head for a long long time now, I have researched and followed entirely in what I have believed in, even by just the improvements I have already experienced, before I actually walk, have been incredible and made such a difference particularly to my thinking.
I had got to such a stage that I didn't want to live, but I didnt want to die either. I am glad that moment passed, as would have caused much devestation to my family. I have checked out of any sort of social life, but that is something that when I am up and running that I will return to fully. My life over the last ten years has been devestating, I have been subjected to many humiliations no man or woman should be subjected to, and most will know exactly what I mean, and these details will remain private to me as they do to others. I was diagnosed on a positive MRI, which had lesions to my brain and spine, that is why I question the validity of the original theory. my children have had to watch their mother weaken. I have always been a most independant person, and someone has done their utmost to steal that away from me, through their total misunderstanding of a subject, that they have heavily relied on a very old concept/idea.

If I can do what I have achieved then any of you can. I was scared that I would die and nobody would get to know what I do, so it means a lot that I have managed to speak through this blog.

I suppose I am my Dads legacy, he taught me much about D.I.Y. and fixing things, he taught me that there is always a reason why something does not work, unless it is unservicable, so I supposeI found my reason. So Dad I thank you for the lesson.

I had every sympton acredited to MS except fatigue, they have mostly all gone, and my walking will eventually return.

Where there is stress, you'll find MS

I think the diagnosis of MS is only in western countries,where  stress is considered a part of life.

I quite often think, why it is not evident in poor 3rd world countries, they have bundles of stresses in just finding food. But then it's a differennt kind of stress, even though their children are suseptible to hunger and disease, but I very much doubt MS. In my eyes it has been manufactured by modern man. I think stress is also under estimated in modern countries, its responsible for heart attacks, high blood pressure, strokes, depression etc etc the list goes on, it about time all that is possible is done to reduce everyday stresses, especially when you presume you are safe and secure in your own home, only to be badgered by phone calls, junk mail and door to door callers, its not right everyone should be entitled to some kind of respite and peace. Until stress is treated as a major factor to peoples health, the powers that be will always be out of pocket and waisting money on it consequences, which are so distructive to us all. People do thrive on a certain amount of stress and may work fine in a working environment, so back off of our private lives.

Saturday 11 December 2010

If I knew then what I know now

My very first warning of a stress overload was a desensitised feeling right down my left side from the top of my head down to the tip of my big toe,  I would have taken notice, ditched the stress factor, unfortunately that would have been my partner, and continued with a naturally happy life. Now I see it for what it was, shame I took no notice.

The world of limboland just gets bigger

It must be awful for the amount of others left hanging in limbo, nothing concrete, no commitment, the thing is its got so out of hand, so complex, so many crossovers, lupus, hughes, lymes etc etc.  Peoples sanity is being tried to the limit, the stress that all causes is damaging in itself, it messes with your head. If there are others like myself, which there has to be, then they are being so mismanaged. I have had to systematically break things down bit by bit. How can anyone else do that, if they enter a system, that does not allow them to do that, kind of brainwashing a person to accept it at all costs. That is terrible, the stress factor needs tackling, stress can make a pain/ache unbearable. What really makes me cross is I could have been one of my children aged 21 or 19, how dare they snuff out their futures like that, their opportunity to have children, as a parent that infuriates me. Thank God it was me, what is needed is a psychologist to break down the stress/anxiety factor, an acupucturist, to help strengthen the bladder, which then enables the core to strengthen, I took sides off my wheelchair nearly fell out of it a few times, but learnt to stay in it. and finally a Chiropractor to check the spine allignment. If somone has had a balance issue, then their Atlas could be out like mine. Noel Battens example of Tiffany interested me and really endorsed what I thought and made complete sense to me. Its so frustrating to think there are others like me, and the observations that I have made via a well known website, I am convinced that there are. In my case someone has made a catestrophic mistake, and it just hasn't effected me either.

Discovered

MS was discovered in the 19th century, are you telling me that theory still stands, as it was back then, no challenge no advancement in science regarding that idea.

Well it looks to me that they are now definitely running with the wrong ball, and barking up the wrong tree.

I had a psychological tension pain that was excaserpated by my bodies misalignment caused by my Atlas, that had become out of place due to me adapting to a stress overload which effected my balance and a 1/2 second delay in message relay, penultimately causing a pain in my neck and lumber area. because of my misalignment, I believe the muscles and tendons have shortened, down my right side, so when trying to outstretch or stand on my right leg, is very painful as if calf is ripping,

Our bodies are an incredible piece of engineering, but if one section becomes misplaced, it causes it to malfunction, in many areas.

The mind and body is so interlinked, and inmy case was able to cause a continuous catch 22 situation, after many months I now know what I am dealing with, and see it as incredibly arrogant to exclude chiropractors as they have been.

No wonder it all has become one complete mess, and those in limboland must be producing clear MRIs and LPs but if like me displaying symptoms synonimus to todays made up mess

Friday 10 December 2010

Today after some adjustment

Well today after seeing my chiro John yesterday, I dont feel, as lastime.that I have been run over by a train. So I wke up knowing that to straighten my right leg will be difficult. I fold my quilt in half and use that to lay on my front, to try and straighten my leg, to do so takes time and feels like my muscle in my calf is ripping, but finally it goes down, painfull but not as painful as before, when I would have to bite my cushion to muffle my cries. I have got use of a deep muscle massager, which I shalll use on both, not just the right but both legs, to try and loosen them up. So that's it so far, its so good not to feel so bad. And to know that things can only get better.

Better every time

I went to see john my Chiropractor today, I usually feel a bit rough for first three days after, but not feeling to bad this time. I feel closer to walking more than ever, juddering (tremor) gone, flexing (spasm) gone, my body was always stressed physically all over, but is now quieter in areas. And my problems seem to be in my right hip, which causes a painfull tightness down my right leg, my calf feels as if it is actually ripping inside. I'm really not pushing or challenging it, just going with the flow, I've done a lot of puzzles, was going to do some knitting, but a no no as too neck intensive. I think if I suddenly reverted back even just a few days, I dont think I would cope. How I felt two years ago, was like being buried alive, only at least your air would eventually run out but not in this case, it was like being locked outside on my own, whilst everyone else, was inside, in the warm, chatting and laughing together, whilst I looked un-noticed through the window. My children interacting with everyone else, but me, it was heartbreaking to watch. But now, those tables have turned my future is going to be a bright one, and not one to fear. The psychological aspects I have gone through, is phenominol ( i think thats how you spell it) I even questioned my own sanity, I am doing right, I know I am. Tears have also been a plenty, I had even learned to cry with no tears, so I could instantly appear happy if my son, sister or Mum came in. People may have seen me as arogant or stubborn,but no I have just followed my own beliefs, and damn glad that I did. tomorrow might be a worse day, but at least I know its only temporary.

I wonder where the stats are

I know that there seems to be a lot of teachers diagnosed with MS, now that must be a stressfull job. Anyway they have statistics that 100,000 people have MS in uk, so surely they must now as stress heavily involved, from what working background these people come from, even others like me just a Mum (I count too) surely these stats should be public knowledge, I wonder where I will find them. I suspect that there isnt any. Woops now that would be a massive oversight.

I wonder why

I yesterday viewed a list of famous people with MS apparently 3 x american football players not all current, plus not one Rugby player, now to me that is of great interest. Have asked a relative, who is a american football coach, if they have a resident Chiropractor or not different time zone so no answer yet. I have another relative who was a chairman of a rugby club, perhaps I shall ask him or my Chiropractor John who I am seeing today the same question. There must be a reason i'm intrigued. The cervical spine is so very important to our mechanics, its important to take care of that area, in fact it is crucial. I have noticed that my problems are in my upper and lower spine, and the pain/discomfort is simultanious, including tension in my upper back.

I have just spoken to aunt about the rugby question, and she doesnt know any rugby player being diagnosed with MS, and that in itself is quite incredible as been on rugby scene 20 years plus. Anyway uncle John will have a better idea as although his is only asmall club, has got some good contacts, so we will see what he comes up with.

Wednesday 8 December 2010

My symptoms were different

I have never had pins and needles, you know the ones you'd get when you were a kid and knelt too long, I have a desensitised feeling in my left hand, like you've left a rubber band round your wrist too long.

I've never had double vision either, I presume thats what it says on the tin, that you see two of one thing. But I must have had poor vision as when my Chiropractor treatment began just suddenly improved, unexpectedly, it was like somebody had been in and fixed my telly.

But this time I didnt

Several years ago, I experienced a desensitised feeling in my groin and down to my right knee. I considered going to the doctors and getting steroids to prevent any uneccessary damage, but I decided against doing that. I would give it 48 hrs and if it got worse I would go.


Anyway, it got less and less and within 72hrs had gone. My point here is (in my case) if I had taken steroids, I would not have  known that it just would have gone all by itself. I would have presumed that the steroids had worked. Yes it was a risk, but one I am now glad that I took.

antidepressant qualities

Amitriptyline 20 mg is prescribed to aid sleep, 30 mg to stop nerve pain, as I was experiencing a tension pain, and an underlying back and neck pain caused  by something else. Only others swear by it, as it helps. As I am familiar with this drug, as I was on it for a number of years at a much higher dose for depression, I again get my thinking cap on. Perhaps the reason it has such a possitive effect, is because of its relaxing qualities as being an antidepressant.

I had two types of pain going on, I know this when I sustained a nasty bruise injury to my arm. I had a tension pain, not touched by painkillers and an actual injury pain that was. wierd I know, but now makes perfect sense, as a catch 22 develops where the pychological effects the physical and vice versa, a pain causes stress and stress causes pain, I have managed to break that cycle, by breaking my mess down bit by bit and understanding it

Glandular fever link, I think

Not that I've ever had glandular fever, but I think its linked to herpes virus, which lays dormant within the system and hey presto pops up again.

Many people on the ms website, have had glandular fever, its quite interesting, unfortunately the websites search button is not up and running at the mo. so not possible for others to check, but the subject has come up quite often over time, so there has to be a link. Perhaps it too lays dormant but appears later under a disguise, lets say fatigue.

Anyways yesterday happened accross some old article (isnt google a wonderful piece of technology) dated 22/4/2004 BBC News titled "Glandular fever virus link to MS" So perhaps my theory is not that outlandish afterall

Tuesday 7 December 2010

the blame game

I have been through many emotions recently as to who's fault it is that 10 years of my life has just been written off. And what pushed me here was def stress. I spent full time correcting or trying to make good, a bad situation really, constant silly irresponsible mistakes made by my then partner. a constant stream of little things over years, I suppose it all came to a head.

I had become quite the actor, (this is way before any kind of diagnosis) years even. Anyway, I would look good (ilike to think) on the outside, and if anyone asked how were things, I would convincingly reply and smile and nod " ok, fine" when the reality inside was of sadness, worry and disappointment, all down to the man I loved and vey much I might add. and the final straw was, he broke me, wrote me off and walked away with another. So was it his fault, No, why? he had no idea as to the physical effect his actions would have on me, there was a time that I thought he must hate me, to cause me so much physically. But I now know that he hasnt a malicious bone in is body, lots of stupid ones, but nasty and cruel he isnt.

So was it my fault, I let him get away with it, I let stress effect me so badly, it must have been my fault, I let it happen. Well, No again. I've gone through more than enough, I'm not pinning that one on me too.

No its the organisation which appears to be the NHS that made the decission not to include Chiropractors in the treatment of a disease that effects the spinal chord, what fool made that decission, the body structure is these peoples field of expertise, where is the sense to deliberately exclude them, it doesn't make sense none at all. Plus the other scarey thing is, my gums had bled really badly for the same time period, I was told by a dentist that I had gum disease and was at risk of losing my teeth. As soon as I had Chiropractic treatment stopped overnight, a complete surprise to me as I thought that the amitriptyline was causing it. how wrong was I.

So my gums stopped bleeding, and the blood flow to my body increased especially to my hands, thats where I think of the whole CCSVI issue although a stent may solve the symptom it doesnt solve the cause, perhaps the Atlas is it, a misaligned Atlas can effect blood pressure, interesting eh!

Now I best go to bed and sleep tight

Just making my ms status clear

As I am listening to my favourite cd, something springs to mind, the thought that people may be saying that I am only experiencing good things, (not walking yet though, but give it time) people may be saying, well she's in remission, thats why she is feeling good. Well no actually, apparently that's now not possible, you see I was labelled up on that one, by a sweeping glance from a neuro, as I was now in a chair with wheels, it was decided I was now SPMS, oh joy yet another label, well he is entitled to his opinion, I'll just smile and accept for now eh! in other words I wasnt going to waste my time protesting, now that would be a futile exercise as them ears are well and truely shut, not his fault, just the way it is.

So no I am NOT in remission, just so you guys know ok

And who did I see?

I would look in the mirror and the person who stared back, was not me.
It was a broken, old woman, that I didnt know.

Today, that lady has gone and its ME looking back, I am fixable, my tears can now stop.
The old Fiona will return, on that I have no doubt, she's well on her way already.

And that feels good, so good.

At least I know

As John my Chiro couldn't understand why my lower back area keeps being twisted. I thought that I would think hard about that. I decided to make a conscious effort to try sleeping on my left side, up until now has not been possible. Anyway the first night was difficult, but did it for three hours, and last  night yet again, this morning as I crawled to the living room, there was a definite diference as to my power, I seemed to be more streamline. Anyways I then made a mistake, as I was feeling very sleepy, I presume as my body was much more relaxed, as I hadnt felt like that for years, I laid down on my back on the settee, I immediately was aware of the lightness going and the heaviness returning. Since then I reverted back to the day before. But now I am closer than ever and at least I know my current problems are fixable, so tonight again my left side and see what tomorrow brings.

Do I stand alone?

To this question, I think not. Many people have doubts, things not adding up, being told your meylin sheath is making yor body act the way it is, you have a doubt. mine was that I would always be aware of a feeling in my back before a fllexing (or spasm medical speak) would happen. Surely if an erratic misfiring or electric thingy was happening I would be aware of it by it unpredictability alone. So to me NO that weren't happening.

What concerns me that if you have doubt, or perhaps a quite interesting theory, you are then told to deny that thought or query, as there are no answers, and you are simply in denial, ACCEPT it and sit back down.

Well HELLOOO!, I don't think so. I know (metorforically) I do NOT stand alone, you have just been convinced to sit down,behave and be quite. Well I tell you now I intend to be very very naughty very naughty indeed.

Sunday 5 December 2010

my bladder is better, not totally fixed

Approx 2 years ago now I had acupuncture along the bladder line, and the results have been amazing, over time my bladder has strengthened, where I had urgency, and many accidents, including wetting my bed once, that has all stopped totally and for well over a year now. This year was the second year that the heat inside and outside the house has NOT affected me and my God it truely made me feel awful, I had to have tepid baths to reregulate my temperature, and needed an electric fan to give me a little respite. you all know exactly how I felt. My theory as to why this happened is, heat energy is expelled by the body through the urinary tract, mine was malfunctioning so therefore could not do it. After 2 years you would think memories would fade as to how bad I would feel but I really don't know how I coped then, it was such a bad experience.
I don't know why the acupuncture worked so well but it did, my only problem is now, no message is received to my bladder from my brain to start but as I detwist I believe that the messaging system will return. I am aware when my bladder is full as there is a tension down my right leg, which is released once I go. Also as I crawl these days, (temporarily I might add) I am aware of a signal being received to my bladder, if I stretch my neck. I am not surprised at these two occurances, as the bladder meridian runs down the spine and down the right leg, so its not a coincidence, if you correspond the points of the bladeer merridian to Dr Windmans diagram of the problems to the structure that a misaligned ATLAS causes, they correspond at many points, not just some but most of them.

I think my spine twisted for some years internally first, so I looked quite normal on the outside, and therefore affected my bladder secretly hence my first and foremost problem. I have now decided to look more closely into urine infections, right now as there must be a link.

Also wind was an issue, you will know what I mean. Anyway it isnt now.

So three bonuses from one type of treatment, Acupucture, and because of the benefits it has afforded me means that I can go and have Chiropractic treatment on my ATLAS not having to worry about my bladder, its brill.

I have just researched UTIs, and an infection can be caused by not going soon enough, as the bladder wall weakens, and doesnt empty properly thus making it suseptable to infection. thats interesting perhaps my bladder was weekened by the internal twisting and I just didnt notice, that is really interesting

 You see this blog is going to be really long because I have come back as I have just remembered another possitive. The body needs moisture, you're not drinking it because it goes straight through you, so you cut down on your intake of liquid. Our bodies need moisture and it will take it from where it is available and that is the bowel, hence constipation, I now don't have that problem, did do though, won't go into detail as you know full well what its like.


There I think thats it, so four pluses not three. I can go to bed now.

I can now be Mum again

Its kind of funny, that a tiny bone that stands between my head and my body has caused me so many complex knock on effects.

Our bodies are like a piece of incredible exact engineering, if one componant is out just a fraction of a mm, it renders the whole system US (unserviceable)

I believed for many years that I couldnt walk properly for psychological reasons.

I had a dream where a gun was held to my daughters head when she was little, and I was told if I wallk to her, she wouldnt die, a request I knew I could not complete no matter how hard I tried and those familiar eyes from that tiny beautiful face looked back at me,  as always asking me as her Mum, to make it all better, as I had always only ever done her whole life.

But I knew this time I couldnt help her, and this made me feel a total failure as her Mum, I would then wake up, therefore not made to witness, what I was powerless to stop, my heart broken, and so distressed for years

But today I know without any doubt , that I couldnt have saved her, because it wasnt physically possible.

Now I finally know what I am dealing with, and what needs to be done, this time I am in control, in what will happen in my future, and when its all sorted I will walk over to her and give her the biggest hug that I ever have.

And that makes me feel the Mum I am. So for all similar Mums and their little girls like my Kimberly, I will make myself heard, no matter what

Saturday 4 December 2010

how did I find myself here

I cared too much, gave the benefit of the doubt too many times, took on both of the responsible parent roles,  and always put myself last no matter what. I subconsciously waited  for change that just wasn't going to happen.

That is how I got here, no bus or train required, just life.

I suppose I put all my eggs in one basket and for that I got scrambled.

Real people, real experiences

A vast amount of information can be gathered by observing men and womens experiences on the MS website, I can't believe that all of what is said is not taken into serious consideration.

The current feedback from Neuro appointments. their attitudes that in my case correct, but they just havent got it all yet, the penny hasnt dropped. I'm sure that there are many Neurologists that are sooooo confused.

So MS doesnt cause pain, in my case correct, nervous tension does though especially if as in my case your Atlas is misalligned, which has caused my spine to twist, causing neck pain and lower back pain, nothing to do with MS.

So the expression that its all in your head, is true in my case, anxiety stress, nervous tension, had such an influence on me physically especially causing tremor, so I suppose the answer is, yes it was. But its not all a simple as that. People are being left in total distress, now that is a disgrace and very very wrong

There is one partcular item on website, where a wife has all of the symptoms, but tests are clear, this poor woman may be like me, I had all symptoms, but my MRI was positive, so hello some one's got it wrong.

Something is really really wrong, dont just dismiss it, what I say is relevant, and I will not give up never, there are kids out there denied having kids and that is unforgivable if wrongly diagnosed, luckily I'd had mine.

I will fight for all them kids, because they could be mine

Twisted lower spine

Went to see John my Chiropractor, I keep retwisting at my lower back, by jove I think I've got it. I can only lay on my left side and my legs lay heavy, I must kind of twist, as I have noticed that my hair on the back of my head is always matted, so I must sleep twisted as my legs are always to the side. I'm going to retrain sleeping on my right.


Another thing I've noticed is how my left leg pulls in to my right, so now when sitting gently move my foot a little amount to the left, feels really quite comfortable. A lot of things have become a habit, these I now break.

Thursday 2 December 2010

Observation is everything

If a psychologist observed over a period of time the MS website, that there is a problem some posts, they would know what my concerns are.What is happening is all done with the best and kindest intentions, but is causing a greater confusion and mess.

I know that there are many many positive people on the site, but no matter how hard you try, the main elliment is a negative one you just can't escape it, even annoncements of a sad event i.e. a pet dying and it is not good for people like me to be there, because if I'm honest it has a negative vibe, an awful lot of sorrys, and a welcoming to the MS gang. Its a place where symptoms are verified and people through no fault of their own,some are considered as experts on a the subject, but if the original concept and ideas were wrong, so could there reasons as to why these symptoms occur and as to why, We are still individuals with our own ideas and doubts. Its all so unintentional. And what worries me is because I am different, with different ideas etc. and I can be very matter of fact and straight to the point, I think that is why others took a dislike to me and I was only ever polite, and I was got rid of in a very underhand way, they closed ranks on me, it didnt matter what I had to say, I even wrote to the top man/woman, I was totally ignored, now that is really, really worrying.

I'll always come back to Atlas and stress every time, theres to much of a linkage, and if the spine is comprimised, nervous tension will have a greater impact and show itself physically, in my case tremor, its not good to  go down the self diagnosis route, when there maybe alternative reasons i.e. a side effect of a drug, or the consequences due to stress, or a symptom of something completely different like a misaligned Atlas, this can be responsible for many many things i.e.sinus probs,asthma,tinnitus, allergies, neck pain,balance probs, nervous tension fatigue,knee pain,trigemal neuralgia, cervical and lumber pain,arm pain, hip pain,lower back pain, numbness,fibromyalgia. I've seen these all mentioned on the MSS bwebsite between  users. google Dr Windman Atlas dont just take my word for it.

Drugs not the answer (well mine anyway)

This re allignment malarky of my Atlas and spine via my Chiropractor is not all plain sailing, my problems have occurred over a 10 year or so period, it will take time to get back to normal. The healing crisis has been invaluable, as to some initial reactions mind wise that is. And it is 3 steps forward 2 steps back which can be very upsetting and frustrating, I subconsciously got to such a twisted condition, but in reverse I am very conscious of it all, and yeah pain is involved, particularly my lower back, right calf, neck, but at least I know these are temporary. So yeah I have cried a lot, and yeah a certain amount of pain is involved. I know if I went to a Doctor, and my diagnosis was taken into account, I would leave with a prescription for painkillers and antidepressants. STOP drugs are not the answer, not at all.  Because of the impact that my incorrect diagnosis could cause in respect to a trained medic. I think its now time for me to draw up a living will, to specify that I do not want any treatment whatsoever as to regards MS from the NHS, in other words theywill need to backoff.

Wednesday 1 December 2010

Staying out of NHS system

I can't express how happy and relieved I am that I stayed out of the NHS system. Any system really, I was on MS Society website not for advice or empathy, but to prevoke thought debate, and get answers to theories, I was on there for eight months, and gleened some most valuable information from others, sometime when there weren't any answers to a question or theory I had put forward, that in itself gave me a most valuable answer. I had two hats as a personality, a silly hat where I would have a bit of a laugh swapping humour etc I think that I had built up a nice casual relationship with others. But I would also have my serious hat and I think others were aware when I did, and would answer my questions etc quite matter of factly. You see I only deal with the bottom line only, so cut out all the unecessary waffle, I like to get  straight to the point  as politely as I can. I had to take extreme care not to frighten people with certain things as I was quite aware there were much younger people out there, and I didnt want to cause them worry or stress. The young ones are the people I would like to express my theories etc and they might strike a chord. Dont be convinced by others either medics or even others diagnosed, that you have to accept it and thats it. Because if you are like me NO you dont, you are still you and follow your GUT reaction. I am lucky have a great non judgemental and supportive family as to what I wish to achieve. I have had to become a kind of recluse, my choice though, absolutely, I choose not to use my wheelchair, so at mo crawl a lot, my son is ok with that, he can see the other improvements in me, my walking was the first to be affected, so it will be the last to return. So when I have to struggle here or struggle there, I say out loud to myself, its not permenant but temporary, and that makes a tremedous difference.