Dont waste it

I was in a long term relationship, which was particularly stressful as the only consistant thing about it was inconsistancy. It was a constant guessing game as to what was happening, why had he forgot, why was he several hours late, and in reply was always a feesable excuse, I had become so accustomed to giving the benefit of the doubt it had beccome a habit, frequently there was a  problem, something else to worry about. I did my best to keep track but, the mobile was lost, out of charge, or left at the office, to him this was a constant game, we even lost our house through this double kind of life. Sometimes I would pray he would just hit me, but this he would not do, but at least I would know where I stood, and I would have walked. He was a stage performer too so another personality, plus he smoked extra daily. I can see the funny side of this now, but at the time I even had my hearing checked as I couldnt hear what he so obviously could. He was a multiple personality, dont get me wrong everybody loved him, he was funny kind and a gentleman, but there was another side, of catch me if you can, kind of one of "the untouchables" So this is to George

When you look in the mirror ,
Which one do you see.
Two, four or possibly three,
When it's finally, finally, you that you see,
 It's far too late to say sorry to me.

I suppose because of this reason is why I did not accept the MS diagnosis and all the doubts and uncertainty that came with it, many unanswered questions. Now that I would not accept, there is always a reason as to why things happen, as deep down I knew back then. So I think my past has in a way contributed to my future, a sad past but very exciting future. So good has prevailed and I cant wait until complete.

I suppose that there is another moral to the story, never ever waste all your well time, on something or someone that will never change for your good.

Life is about feeling SAFE and neither of these situations did that. For that I have to go way back to when I was a child walking in the woods with my Dad, my little hand in his that was a completely SAFE place to be, and I'm getting very close to feeling that way again.