the blame game

I have been through many emotions recently as to who's fault it is that 10 years of my life has just been written off. And what pushed me here was def stress. I spent full time correcting or trying to make good, a bad situation really, constant silly irresponsible mistakes made by my then partner. a constant stream of little things over years, I suppose it all came to a head.

I had become quite the actor, (this is way before any kind of diagnosis) years even. Anyway, I would look good (ilike to think) on the outside, and if anyone asked how were things, I would convincingly reply and smile and nod " ok, fine" when the reality inside was of sadness, worry and disappointment, all down to the man I loved and vey much I might add. and the final straw was, he broke me, wrote me off and walked away with another. So was it his fault, No, why? he had no idea as to the physical effect his actions would have on me, there was a time that I thought he must hate me, to cause me so much physically. But I now know that he hasnt a malicious bone in is body, lots of stupid ones, but nasty and cruel he isnt.

So was it my fault, I let him get away with it, I let stress effect me so badly, it must have been my fault, I let it happen. Well, No again. I've gone through more than enough, I'm not pinning that one on me too.

No its the organisation which appears to be the NHS that made the decission not to include Chiropractors in the treatment of a disease that effects the spinal chord, what fool made that decission, the body structure is these peoples field of expertise, where is the sense to deliberately exclude them, it doesn't make sense none at all. Plus the other scarey thing is, my gums had bled really badly for the same time period, I was told by a dentist that I had gum disease and was at risk of losing my teeth. As soon as I had Chiropractic treatment stopped overnight, a complete surprise to me as I thought that the amitriptyline was causing it. how wrong was I.

So my gums stopped bleeding, and the blood flow to my body increased especially to my hands, thats where I think of the whole CCSVI issue although a stent may solve the symptom it doesnt solve the cause, perhaps the Atlas is it, a misaligned Atlas can effect blood pressure, interesting eh!

Now I best go to bed and sleep tight