anonymous
11 Jul 11
21:17
18 months, no answers, except negative tests do not mean 'MS isnt there' as one doctor told me, at the same time neuro just huffs the idea of ms or anything else away ( amazes me given they've acknowleged physical problems !)

in the meantime, my social life has, gone! evening classes, gone ! dating, gone ! friends, going !
ive given up all these things as it is the only way i could survive the week at work, now thats affected too !

i was given light duties last year which i managed at first, but now im even struggling to do that ...i say struggle, i should say 'IMPOSSIBLE' TO DO.

im so sick of kicking myself up the bum to force myself do the most normal things, things I ACTUALLY WANT TO DO, im starting to give up trying with fighting what seems like losing battle with body.

im learning now that no matter what I WANT to do, the likelyhood is that some part of MY BODY WONT LET ME !
THE LATEST: i argue with the bladder, it screams at me 'to go' i get there, and it WONT GO until it IS READY !


i feel like quiting job, because i cant do it anymore, having difficulty finding another, im either over/ under qualified ! phoned benefit, if they disagree my health grounds reasons for leaving current role, they with hold payment for 6 months ! not that i want that, id rather be in work ! its a catch 22, stuck where i cant work, cant get another job ( as yet ) !

ive now realised i have to change my job, change my life to go easier on myself, you know, tweek tweek, few adjustments here and there so i can get on with living...... and manage these symptoms instead of me being controlled by THEM !

I JUST HATE THE NOT KNOWING ! HOW AM I MEANT TO FIGHT, WHEN I DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS IM ACTUALLY FIGHTING !?!?
CHANGING MY LIFE, WITHOUT KNOWING THE CAUSE OF WHY I HAVE TO ? IVE WORKED VERY HARD FOR ' MY LIFE' !

sorry all, am just so very very fed up with all !!!

best wishes and thanks to anyone who read my self pitying rant if you made it to the end ! :-s

hope youre all having abetter day than me, at least that would be some good at least x