I watched a t.v. series last night where a school girl was dying of cancer in the form of a brain tumor, she went to Blackpool to find her dad to say goodbye, but he was away, well in prison. Anyway she went to the unfair and beach with her two goodfriends instead, in a way she was saying goodbye to life.
This upset me and made me reflect back to three years ago, wow sad and ver dificult time. Back then I would have prefered the terminal scenario. I know it sounds drastic, but at least I would know the pain, struggle and heartache, would at some point end, and i would also be afforded the opportunity to say goodbye to those I loved, tie up some lose ends so to speak. As I was it was like being buried alive, I could do nothing, I heavily relied on my sister.
Now I am totally different, I have always been an independant, and although my sister helps hoover and sorts my sons room out a bit, other than that I now run the show. I only go out to see my chiropractor and physio/acupucturist that is my choice and really my focus at the mo. and for the first timein years I'm actually happy
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