What got to me regarding the diagnosis, was the thought that I was now public property. I have always been a private person, my business strictly stayed mine, what I disclosed and to whom was always my decission, gossip and heresay I stayed out of, my choice. Now all of a sudden I had none, strangers had complete access to my business and that to me was grossly wrong. Then the paranoiya set in, people were watching every move I made, they knew things about me and that wasnt fair. A friend walked passed my house and I reversed into a cupboard (a big one, not the one under the sink) scared that he would see me and call round, an irrational act but all the same I did it. (I just couldn't be bothered putting on an act, not today) I would do the garden, and stop and be very quiet if anyone passed by, I don't want people to see me struggle and feel sorry for me, God forbid, I have always always been very independant when it comes to a bit of D.I.Y.
Anyway there was somebody watching me, every move I made and struggled at,. So I had been right all along. But the person watching me was ME and no-one else. People are busy with their own lives, why would they waste it watching me, its only now I can see that.
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