Upon waking this morning, the pain in my back is the least it has been, but I wont get all excited, I also have been practising when sitting letting my left heal gradually go to the floor, my left is no problem, I dont push it or rush it, and it goes down within 5 mins.
Oh I've forgot to mention that I have a deep tissue massager, this is brilliant as has a long handle so I can reach the areas in my upper back where was tight and painful in the past I have done everything to release the unbearable tightness even laying on my back and rolling a small ball under my upperback this bit of kit is brill. I use it on my legs, which my right is a lot less sensitive than it was, as would go into spasm when certain areas were massaged. sensitivity has definitely changed. and I use it on my neck as well, and make sure I do all those sore pressure points and they have eased a lot.
Sunday, 9 January 2011
Saturday, 8 January 2011
3 steps forward 2 steps back
Usually after seeing John my Chiro, I feel bad for 3 days, which has in the past caused me to pannick but I see him on a Friday and by Wednesday am feeling a lot better, but I do still go through the 3 steps forward 2 steps back and I have learned to expect this to happen, so sometimes I'm not as good as yesterday but better than the day before, so its a process I understand. Since going everytime there has been improvement, we dont necessarily discuss it in detail, but we are both aware its happening slowly but surely, we just go with it, at its own pace. Last time I said it was definitely my left hip causing me the knock on problems, as it pulls down hard, and unbalances the way I sit, twisted. but in his opinion the problem is the right so he adjusted accordingly. And do you know what he is right, I trust that man 100%. it feels great to be able to do that. to trust and feel safe is a real good feeling
How I felt then
This poem I wrote a year ago, I believe what I wrote then as I do today.
My mess/ms
I sat in my wheelchair, afraid and alone,
I hate being here I want to go home,
The thought of just sitting, for the rest of my life,
Cuts into my heart, like a long jagged knife,
Is this it, right now, how life is to be,
But luckily not, not happening to me,
Suicide was no option, that road I wont take,
But consider just this, ms maybe fake,
I focussed my mind on alternative routes,
Eventually I’ll succeed, in giving the boot,
My first port of call, a physio called Louise,
Who actually listened and did humour me,
And thank God that she did, acupuncture she gave,
Now that wheelchair sits there, I wont be its slave,
As time did pass by, the better I’d feel,
I’m liking this hand, a much fairer deal.
I’m back on my feet, with my walker ahead,
But I now know I wont, be forever in bed,
Its all so complex, a hell of a mess,
This stupid disease, that they all call ms,
I will not conform, there are answers I seek,
I will not just sit, shut up and be weak,
I will continue my quest, for however long,
They need not prove me right, but just prove wrong,
Stress is the worst thing, to let it all grow,
The effect it sure has, only I seem to know,
Stress feeds through your day, from morning to night,
It wont let you rest, its always in sight.
Stress feeds off stress and then feeds my mess,
It gets bigger and bigger and never gets less.
Its hard I now know to break into this house,
But my stress now lays quiet like some kind of mouse,
The bladder’s the key, break the link in that chain,
And now I can watch it, go off with its pain,
When the link has been broken, you begin to live life,
Ms didn’t break me, and make me its wife.
I have taken it slow, at my kind of pace,
Not rushed or fought it, as is complex like lace,
But now that I see, now what hides it all,
I want to tell others, just give them a call,
Prognosis alone, causes all kinds of stress,
But strip it away, and there is no ms
By ME
My mess/ms
I sat in my wheelchair, afraid and alone,
I hate being here I want to go home,
The thought of just sitting, for the rest of my life,
Cuts into my heart, like a long jagged knife,
Is this it, right now, how life is to be,
But luckily not, not happening to me,
Suicide was no option, that road I wont take,
But consider just this, ms maybe fake,
I focussed my mind on alternative routes,
Eventually I’ll succeed, in giving the boot,
My first port of call, a physio called Louise,
Who actually listened and did humour me,
And thank God that she did, acupuncture she gave,
Now that wheelchair sits there, I wont be its slave,
As time did pass by, the better I’d feel,
I’m liking this hand, a much fairer deal.
I’m back on my feet, with my walker ahead,
But I now know I wont, be forever in bed,
Its all so complex, a hell of a mess,
This stupid disease, that they all call ms,
I will not conform, there are answers I seek,
I will not just sit, shut up and be weak,
I will continue my quest, for however long,
They need not prove me right, but just prove wrong,
Stress is the worst thing, to let it all grow,
The effect it sure has, only I seem to know,
Stress feeds through your day, from morning to night,
It wont let you rest, its always in sight.
Stress feeds off stress and then feeds my mess,
It gets bigger and bigger and never gets less.
Its hard I now know to break into this house,
But my stress now lays quiet like some kind of mouse,
The bladder’s the key, break the link in that chain,
And now I can watch it, go off with its pain,
When the link has been broken, you begin to live life,
Ms didn’t break me, and make me its wife.
I have taken it slow, at my kind of pace,
Not rushed or fought it, as is complex like lace,
But now that I see, now what hides it all,
I want to tell others, just give them a call,
Prognosis alone, causes all kinds of stress,
But strip it away, and there is no ms
By ME
upon reflextion
When I now look back at my old self, the stresses I took on board were constant and over a number of years, say 20 or more, I took on everything, from D.I.Y. to trying to balance unbalanceable books, I took on all parental and homemaking responsibilities alone although I had a partner. I had 4 children not 3 and one was my age, the only consistant thing in that partnership was inconsistancy, so I was going up the escalator the wrong way.
Now single, I am the only one driving my life, and its brill, I am really happy especially as I now know what I need to do health wise. At the beginning of this process it was crucial for me to know about the healing crisis, this was a vital thing to know as at first I did have doubt.
ife is now good and my future has gone from absolute dispair, to excitement of my future, a looking forward and now having no regrets and that one is so good, I have a second chance and I am going to grab it big time.
Now single, I am the only one driving my life, and its brill, I am really happy especially as I now know what I need to do health wise. At the beginning of this process it was crucial for me to know about the healing crisis, this was a vital thing to know as at first I did have doubt.
ife is now good and my future has gone from absolute dispair, to excitement of my future, a looking forward and now having no regrets and that one is so good, I have a second chance and I am going to grab it big time.
no prejudices
The ms that exists today has no prejudices non at all, it effects anyone, any race, the only common factors are stress and a possible neck trauma, the cervical spine is the most vulnerable area of the body, medics are very careful as regards to whiplash as can have devestating consequences.
I have in the past had very painful lower back and neck pain, the neck pain has now gone only recently, and my lower back pain has decreased greatly, overall by 80%. I used to cry out in pain, i couldn't help it or not do it. now it hurts but I equate it to an ache others may say its pain but perhaps I can tolerate a higher degree of pain than others as used to be awfully painful, I know this sound dramatic but as my father lay unconscious due to cancer, now and again he would wince and cry out in pain exactly the same as I did.
I have in the past had very painful lower back and neck pain, the neck pain has now gone only recently, and my lower back pain has decreased greatly, overall by 80%. I used to cry out in pain, i couldn't help it or not do it. now it hurts but I equate it to an ache others may say its pain but perhaps I can tolerate a higher degree of pain than others as used to be awfully painful, I know this sound dramatic but as my father lay unconscious due to cancer, now and again he would wince and cry out in pain exactly the same as I did.
two go hand in hand
So in my case, acupuncture and chiropractic manipulation are working, both have been crucial to me, with this ball I am running, and eventually I actually will and down to these two practices, its been an incredible journey, but one I am very glad that I made, I just need to go a little further to reach my destination.
east and west
There seems to be an east and west divide, now that one is no surprise to me, especially China, they have an accute understanding of mind, body and spirit they respect it and quite rightly so.
The body is the most incredible piece of engineering and far superior than anything that can be created, its only when western influences invades ie. stress that it is corrupted, and fails, whether it be the mind or body. Show it respect as the Chinese do by alternatives that go way back.
The body is the most incredible piece of engineering and far superior than anything that can be created, its only when western influences invades ie. stress that it is corrupted, and fails, whether it be the mind or body. Show it respect as the Chinese do by alternatives that go way back.
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