I have thought about this issue over the last 24hrs and I have to admit has made me incredibly sad and I cry as I write and reflect.
I watched my daughter laugh and joke with her Aunt and Uncle with me sitting across in my chair feeling alone and useless, I wanted a reason to laugh joke and join in, but I had no reason to do so.
Life had become as if looking in at the window as, my family enjoyed their life and their interacting with each other as I sat outside in the cold looking in on that I should have been included.
My heart hurt in a way I never thought possible.
When you sit in the cold light of day, not wanting to live but at the same time not wanting to die either, you find yourself in a truly lonely place.
Today I can interact with all my kids we laugh and joke, a happy outcome for me, but a sad and lonely one for many, others and for those I will fight until I die
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