First of all let me just say that I am not here to promote or sell anything. I am just a very average girl who has recovered from all eating disorders after years of hell. In the end I had pretty much accepted that I would always have some type of eating disorder and that the best I could hope for was to find some strict diet/fitness regime that would manage my weight. But I never really believed that I could have freedom from the obsession. I never thought that I could get that monkey off my back. It
has now been two years since I have been COMPLETELY FREE.
Methods I tried to get help:
I have done everything possible to try to solve this eating disorder puzzle. Absolutely everything you can think of.
Hospitalization, therapists, 12 step programs, support groups, hypnosis, meditation, psychotherapy, specialized eating disorder counseling. Buying EVERY SINGLE book possible on the subject, diet books, self help books, forums, prayer, meditation, support groups in my area. None of these ever worked for me. I will not say that they cant work for some people, but they simply did not work for me. And I really tried my best at all of them.
What I was like.
I was a real rock bottom case. I lost an amazing job, I had no friends, I would spend days in isolation, I was hospitalized 3 times, I have been overweight and underweight, I lost boyfriends and a very loving fiancé. This eating disorder took EVRYTHING from me at different times. It went on for almost 9 years in various disguises. At certain points I had relief, but never real freedom. Today I do. I am completely, 100% free. I am fully recovered. The reason I am writing this is that I swore to myself that if
I ever did recover from this I would try to help as many people as possible. I made a promise to myself and it is so important that I cannot back down from it. If there is anything that I want it is to help someone else to achieve this sort of recovery.
At various stages my eating disorders looked like this – For a period of 2 years I was completely anorexic. I only ate certain sugary things for energy when I felt that I was about to pass out. I was buying kids clothes at age 21. I had no friends, never went out with friends to restaurants because I didn’t want them questioning my eating. I was completely alone and all my thought were dedicated to food, what I would/wouldn’t eat and getting temporary highs from buying the smallest jeans available.
From there I moved on to a period of control mixed in with binge episodes. My weight gradually increased and I always felt fat and ashamed. I would gain massive amounts of weight and then lose it through various methods that were always self punishing and painful. I ended up completely bulimic and had lost my job, boyfriend and friends. I was hospitalized twice at this point and there were weeks on end when I couldn’t leave the house – except to buy food. I’ll spare you all the details – if anyone is reading this they know very well all the different lengths that eating disorder sufferers will go to.
What I really want to focus on is the fact that today I have completely recovered. I get shivers down my back as I write this and I want to cry because it is the biggest miracle I have witnessed in my life, to date.
What this means is the following:
Today I woke up late because I had a late night out. I did some work and when I felt hungry after a few hours I made my favorite meal. I have no idea how much fat/carb/content it has. I just know I like it. Then I made something else that I love an hour later because I was still hungry. Again, I would have a clue about the calorie content and I don’t care. I just know that I love the taste; it fills me up and gives me energy to continue my work (writing). Later I will probably have whatever meal I feel like – I have a few favorite things at the moment and I will see what I feel like later. If I want it I have it and if I don’t, I stop. I know what full means and it makes me feel sick to have more than my body wants. I don’t watch what other people are eating and I don’t engage in conversations about dieting, weight loss or unhealthy tricks to lose weight. I still drink diet drinks because I like the taste, but if I am somewhere where they don’t have any, I just drink the regular drink. I never worry about it because I understand something – that one regular drink doesn’t make me fat. The obsessive thinking and control does.
Last night I went to a friend’s fundraiser and there was food there. It was a buffet and I picked out the things that I genuinely like. The girl serving said “I love girls who eat real food and not just salad”. As I
write this I cannot believe that I am that girl. I would never have eaten at an event before. If I did, it would have been an overeating episode and I would have had to go straight home after. I ate my meal with my friend and then we all sat around talking for hours. Not at any point did I think about what I had eaten
My body is healthy and normal. I am a perfect weight for my height and I am attractive. I don’t look at other girls or compare myself – ever. I don’t discuss diets or weight loss under any circumstances. Even though I am recovered, I will protect my recovery and sanity because I am so grateful for it.
If this has helped anybody, I am blessed. If there is anything else I can do, please contact me. I am available to anyone looking for help. Even if you are not sure, even if you are still in the grips of it. I don’t
discriminate because I understand the powerlessness. I am here for you to do what I can, because I have been given this gift and don’t want to lose it.
FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME AT
mayanewyork@gmail.com
- Maya
has now been two years since I have been COMPLETELY FREE.
Methods I tried to get help:
I have done everything possible to try to solve this eating disorder puzzle. Absolutely everything you can think of.
Hospitalization, therapists, 12 step programs, support groups, hypnosis, meditation, psychotherapy, specialized eating disorder counseling. Buying EVERY SINGLE book possible on the subject, diet books, self help books, forums, prayer, meditation, support groups in my area. None of these ever worked for me. I will not say that they cant work for some people, but they simply did not work for me. And I really tried my best at all of them.
What I was like.
I was a real rock bottom case. I lost an amazing job, I had no friends, I would spend days in isolation, I was hospitalized 3 times, I have been overweight and underweight, I lost boyfriends and a very loving fiancé. This eating disorder took EVRYTHING from me at different times. It went on for almost 9 years in various disguises. At certain points I had relief, but never real freedom. Today I do. I am completely, 100% free. I am fully recovered. The reason I am writing this is that I swore to myself that if
I ever did recover from this I would try to help as many people as possible. I made a promise to myself and it is so important that I cannot back down from it. If there is anything that I want it is to help someone else to achieve this sort of recovery.
At various stages my eating disorders looked like this – For a period of 2 years I was completely anorexic. I only ate certain sugary things for energy when I felt that I was about to pass out. I was buying kids clothes at age 21. I had no friends, never went out with friends to restaurants because I didn’t want them questioning my eating. I was completely alone and all my thought were dedicated to food, what I would/wouldn’t eat and getting temporary highs from buying the smallest jeans available.
From there I moved on to a period of control mixed in with binge episodes. My weight gradually increased and I always felt fat and ashamed. I would gain massive amounts of weight and then lose it through various methods that were always self punishing and painful. I ended up completely bulimic and had lost my job, boyfriend and friends. I was hospitalized twice at this point and there were weeks on end when I couldn’t leave the house – except to buy food. I’ll spare you all the details – if anyone is reading this they know very well all the different lengths that eating disorder sufferers will go to.
What I really want to focus on is the fact that today I have completely recovered. I get shivers down my back as I write this and I want to cry because it is the biggest miracle I have witnessed in my life, to date.
What this means is the following:
- I NEVER diet. I don’t look at how many calories, carbs or fat anything has. I don’t care and I know that it is irrelevant. No matter how hard I had tried I would never find the “magic” formula. If you want to know the magic formula it is this: don’t count anything. The eating disorder is an obsession that lives in the mind. The freedom and the healthy body come once you are released from that obsession. As long as I was counting, adding, subtracting and calculating, I wasn’t free. The ED had me.
- I only exercise to feel better emotionally. Exercise makes me feel good. It boosts my mood and makes me happy. This is why I do it now – I don’t punish myself, I don’t look at how many calories I have burned and if I’m busy and don’t get to workout, I don’t care.
- I eat out with my friends and love it. I go out as often as I can because I live in an amazing city with so much nightlife. I look at the menu and find the things that appeal to me. I eat whatever I feel like and I don’t fuss about how much fat/calories it has. If I am still hungry I eat dessert. Sometimes I finish everything and sometimes I don’t. It just depends on whether I feel full and what else I have had that day (or whether I enjoy the meal!)
- Once I have finished a meal or snack I don’t think about it again. No matter what it was. I don’t think of anything in terms of “good” or “bad”. I just don’t think about it. I eat, I finish and then I get on with my life. The easting disorder does not live in my head because I don’t play dangerous games like dieting, calorie counting or over exercising.
Today I woke up late because I had a late night out. I did some work and when I felt hungry after a few hours I made my favorite meal. I have no idea how much fat/carb/content it has. I just know I like it. Then I made something else that I love an hour later because I was still hungry. Again, I would have a clue about the calorie content and I don’t care. I just know that I love the taste; it fills me up and gives me energy to continue my work (writing). Later I will probably have whatever meal I feel like – I have a few favorite things at the moment and I will see what I feel like later. If I want it I have it and if I don’t, I stop. I know what full means and it makes me feel sick to have more than my body wants. I don’t watch what other people are eating and I don’t engage in conversations about dieting, weight loss or unhealthy tricks to lose weight. I still drink diet drinks because I like the taste, but if I am somewhere where they don’t have any, I just drink the regular drink. I never worry about it because I understand something – that one regular drink doesn’t make me fat. The obsessive thinking and control does.
Last night I went to a friend’s fundraiser and there was food there. It was a buffet and I picked out the things that I genuinely like. The girl serving said “I love girls who eat real food and not just salad”. As I
write this I cannot believe that I am that girl. I would never have eaten at an event before. If I did, it would have been an overeating episode and I would have had to go straight home after. I ate my meal with my friend and then we all sat around talking for hours. Not at any point did I think about what I had eaten
My body is healthy and normal. I am a perfect weight for my height and I am attractive. I don’t look at other girls or compare myself – ever. I don’t discuss diets or weight loss under any circumstances. Even though I am recovered, I will protect my recovery and sanity because I am so grateful for it.
If this has helped anybody, I am blessed. If there is anything else I can do, please contact me. I am available to anyone looking for help. Even if you are not sure, even if you are still in the grips of it. I don’t
discriminate because I understand the powerlessness. I am here for you to do what I can, because I have been given this gift and don’t want to lose it.
FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME AT
mayanewyork@gmail.com
- Maya
THE OTHER NIGHT I HAD A HUGE URGE TO VOMIT SO BAD AFTER DINNER, HE REALIZED SO AND TALK TO ME OUT OF NOT GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND VOMIT WHAT WE JUST SHARED OVER DINNER. MY HUSBAND IS A COP, HE IS GOOD AT TALKING PEOPLE OUT OF BAD SITUATIONS. MY HUSBAND GOT ME INTO BED AND CALM ME DOWN AS I CRY FOR WANTING TO VOMIT MY FOOD. I TOLD HIM THAT IT WAS BOTHERING ME INSIDE AND IT WAS HURTING ME; AND HE IN A CALM TONE OF VOICE SAID: IT HURTS BECAUSE IT NEED TO BE TALKED ABOUT AND MAYBE WITH A HELP OF A THERAPIST IT CAN HELP YOU OR HELP ME TO HELP YOU TO THROW IT ALL UP IN WORDS, AND ADDED: SOMETHING IS BOTHERING YOU INSIDE AND WE NEED TO DEAL WITH IT WITH THE HELP OF A THERAPIST. HE CONTINUE TOUCHING MY HAIR SOFTLY UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP. IN THE MORNING, AS WE WERE HAVING BREAKFAST HE ASKED ME HOW I WAS FEELING AND STATED THAT IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO START TO SEE A THERAPIST, I ASK HIM IF HE COULD COME WITH ME AND HE SAID THAT OF COURSE HE WILL BE THERE BY MY SIDE ALL THE STEP OF THE WAY. HE ALSO ASSURE THAT HE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO AGREE IN EVERYTHING I WANTED IMPLYING THROWING UP, BUT HE WILL GIVE ME TOUGH LOVE IF THAT IS NECESSARY FOR ME TO OVERCOME MY EATING DISORDER. I THINK THAT HE HAS DONE YESTERDAY BY NOT LETTING ME APPROACH THE BATHROOM AND REDIRECT ME TO OUR BED.
I LIKE TO HAVE MY HUSBAND AWARE THAT I SUFFER FROM BULIMIA, BECAUSE HE IS A GREAT DEAL OF HELP AS IS, I WILL START SEEING A THERAPIST AS SOON AS NEXT WEEK AND HE WILL COME TO EVERY SESSION WITH ME TO SUPPORT ME ALL THE WAY, BUT I AM SCARE ABOUT THAT TOUGH LOVE.
THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME EXPRESS MY THROUGHTS.
A BULIMIC COP’S WIFE
I do have willpower{but lost it}but do not seem to care any more and really do not feel like living this empty life. The pain ,the shame ,the lonliness is becoming unbearable .
I do not understand it all but my life is non existent,with no friends and no outside interests what so ever .I do not know what to do any more.
There is hope. I think that for all the people out there with an eating disorder that one day it just clicks. You hear this voice that says YOU MUST STOP! I know for sure that is what happened to me. You can stop. You will stop. You have to stop.
No one wants to see you hurt yourself. That is why they make the comments and try to stop you. Your marriage is dying because your husband is slowly watching you kill yourself and he doesn’t know what to do. He loves you. You entire family does too. You just have to stop to beable to see more clearly.
When the disease has it’s full control over you all you see is your body and food. Not just food but controlling it. How you eat it, when you eat it, how much, how little, none at all, or just a little taste. All of this controlling food because we feel as if we can’t control anything else but this one area of our lives. Body and food. I have faith that you will get better, all of you reading this.
Thank for sharing it gave me confidance my new I`am doing are the right things.
And Natalie: do not take “full responsibility” for it!!!
What we have is a MENTAL DISEASE!!
Not one of us woke up and said: “I think I would like to throw away my teenage years, possibly any relationship that I have, I want to be miserable and depressed…and why not throw away normal eating habits, bring on an obsession…look I know, just give me a darn eating disorder, that ought to do it!!”
At least your condition isn’t ingrained in your head.
There is no doubt I would rather have a physical disability or cancer over this insidious disease.
I would not wish it upon my worst enemy.
I am currently going through therapy in the hope of one day recovering, after 6 long years of torture.
I pray for all of you who have to suffer this.
As you have already mentioned, people with eating disorders constantly think about their food and it is their priority in life. As for me, I would always either think about the previous binge I had and be filled with guilt or just be filled with hopelessness that I was never going to get out of this cycle. Once I got massive cravings and started on a binge, I would say this would be my last one and I’ll just eat a lot because I won’t do it again, but it never got better.
Then I started making myself eat all the junk foods and filled myself up everyday. I wouldn’t feel guilty about it. I mean, I was the one choosing to eat a lot. Before I let the cravings build up and then give in to it, so it was me giving into it, not choosing to do it. With giving in to it, I gained a few pounds, but the hopelessness disappeared, and the cycle stopped.
To people who read this comment, everything in this article above works. You have to give in to it if you want to overcome it. Lose all feelings of guilt and obsession.
To Maya, kudos to you for finally conquering your disease and much love and blessings to you for sharing with everyone how you arrived at your eppifany.
To Anne, I’m sorry that you are suffering so, but coming here and comparing apples to oranges isn’t the way to go. Maya’s post clearly talked about eating disorders, NOT digestive, thyroid or autoimmune diseases. Regardless of the type of disease, everyone here is suffering, and you’ve no right to negate the experiences of anyone else because they fail to match your own.
As for me, I’m 44, and have suffered with disordered eating since I was 15, and had bulimia since about 17. Though bulimia has always been more dominant, I’ve also struggled “back and forth” with anorexia and binge-eating. In fact, once I went over 5 years without purging (although it did nothing to “cure” the binging), but then went back to purging unexpectedly in November of last year. I have no friends or social life (mainly because I suffer from social anxiety and depression), and I feel like there’s this constant monkey on my back. I’ve tried the intuitive eating “thing” (what I believe Maya has related), but it only works for so long because I can’t mentally get out of the way. I am not satisfied to just accept myself the way I am, and I use food to cope with my feelings. These two things constantly impede my progress. I think if I could just wake up one day and be happy with who I am and not use food to distract from painful emotions, I would have a chance at eating normally. So that is my advice to anyone suffering; we must find a way to accept who we are and express our feelings in a positive way. I think that would be a huge step in our recovery.
To the bulimic wife of a cop, you are lucky to have such an understanding husband. I only wish that I could find/have someone like that to help me towards recovery, too. My prayer is that each and every one of you will find your own Prince or Princess (whether friend or lover) to help you find your way.
Much love and peace to you all.
Jo
Depression usually is going on at the same time so a binge just brings me down further.
It is sad to think how long this has been a part of my life! I want to be free. I do know that God can give me that freedom. It is a step by step, day by day (sometimes hour by hour) process. I must give it to Him. I must find my strength in Him… there is no other way!
Trust that each of us who have written about our situation(s) will find that peace of mind. He is the answer.
An EATING disorder? Just wait until you find yourself being Diabetic, have Hypothyrodism, AND Gastroparesis, an incurable disease of the stomach; and you find there’s so little food you CAN eat that doesn’t turn to starchy sugars, OR that your stomach will digest and pass through your intestines, OR that won’t aggravate your sluggish thyroid, QUITE A COMBINATION THAT LEAVES VERY LITTLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY CAN EAT, ALL which causes major vitamin deficienceies and tremendous bone loss; THEN whine about an eating disorder! Good Lord!!! An eating disorder! You bet it’s mental!! You have no concept of what a REAL eating disorder is like!!! “”
Anne that is the most ignorant thing I have ever heard. I am 32 and have been diabetic for 18 years. There is no and I mean NO comparison to what they are going through. I apologize for the way I referred to the people with disorders. Diabetics have control over what we eat, when, and how much. If I want something extra I adjust my insulin. I have someone that I love very much who is going through bulimerexia. Our problem is a physical one theirs is something that they see and want to fix but aren’t able to. Theirs is not a matter of choice it’s something that they cannot just walk away from. So next time you open your mouth think before you speak if that’s possible.
Jesse
Was reading some of the comments. My bestfriend has diabetes.
And it is horrible to deal with yes. But you cant compare diabetes with an eating disorder. Eating disorders are really about mental illness. And people with eating disorders are always bi-polar,depressed,OCD…..etc…..
I would say in my opinion an eating disorder is worse,simply because it is an insane act. You have to be mentally unstable to go against the your natural need of survival. You are slowly killing yourself through starvation. And though you may realize it,you dont care. You still starve yourself. I have delt with bulimia and anorexia since I was 11 years old. I am 23 now. I have all kinds of health problems,am bi-olar,and have all kinds of health problems.
Most of the time I daydream about looking like a skeleton again. It makes me feel better.
And that is crazy,it makes no logical sense.
I have lived in a hospital with other Eating disorder patients. REally sick people,who have to be pushed around in wheel chairs because they are so weak and skinny,they cant walk.
Now I understand you are being self-righteous and trying to give people perspective on ” real” problems……But just remember,YOU are not mentally ill.
YOU want to live.
Subconsciously I think people with eating disorders…..if it gets bad enough,just want to die.
And the whole point of starving is to hurt yourself.
SO my point is…….at least you are not crazy! lol
People with real eating disorders….( people who throw up 20 times a day, people who dont eat and abuse laxatives,people who are like 70 lbs ) ARE unable to live normal lives in any way.
And it is not because of some physical thing they cant control.
It is because they are so crazy,they are choosing to destroy their bodies slowly. SLowly,BUT it will happen.
It’s like being someone who is killing themselves and they dont care.
IT can destroy families.
IT kills people.
SO next time YOU rant.
Remember,you are not mentally ill.
YOU are able to take care of yourself,and you want to live.
Being mentally ill to the point you are a skeleton,is frightening and strange.
SO have some compassion.
Thanks.
I stopped weighing myself.I have only weighed myself about once a year for the past 20 years.
I have never been on a diet or restricted my intake again.
Also from an ex bulimic to everyone suffering.Let me tell you how deceptive bulimia is. When I had bulimia my face was puffed up all the time even if I wasnt purging alot.I hate photo’s of myself through that period as I look like a different person. When I stopped bulimia my appearance completely changed and the funniest thing was that I lost all the weight. The thing I thought was keeping my weight down(bulimia) was the thing making me fat(great companion). So six years of obsessional dieting and binging/ puring had actually made me heavy and severely depressed.
Underneath every bulimic is a very strong woman. I am having the most amazing life now and the only food that I would say brings back the impulse is icecream…so I avoid that after dinner. In the end my bulimia became less important to me than the life I wanted so I had to say goodbye to it. Ive never missed it and in the end it slipped away quickly. I totally agree with the post that you have to give in to recover. Stop fighting with it. It just loves the battle.
i am writing this one in tears. because i look back, and wish that I did stop whenever my family begged me, or I was receiving therapies. but i didnt, i couldnt
I remember crying all nite, and beggin God to help me to stop that. Stop to eat n vomit, stop hiding everything from everyone, Feeling sick all the time
If anyone reading this right now, and suffering from bulemia, please, i beg you , please , do your best to find someone to help you so you can stop!
I recovered eventually at the age 30, because i kept having anxiety and panic attacks due to the worry of dying.
and now, after 2 years of recovery, i am having major health problems. I have an ulcer, i have digestion problems, i am constantly bloated, tired, shaky.
finally i will have the guts to go to my doctor to help me, I am just so afraid I ruined my body more than I can ever imagine
i wasted my 20s in this misery. I wasted my life, I am 31 in the body of 80 yrs old woman. I regret every moment, every action, of being a bulemic. my face was always swollen, I was so ugly. I always run away from people, and relationships, and even my family
I moved so far that they d not know what I am doing. I missed their years, i missed lots of things. and Its all my fault
I wish i recovered earlier. i wish i never was a bulemic, I wish i accepted help when it was just the beginning
I am happy that i ve been clean for 2 years now. but my body reminds me every second of what i did. I am sick, i am tired, and memories are killing me
I hope, you wont make the same mistake, and live with bulemia for years. it was a lonely, hard, and sad life, very unhappy life.
i just pray God that He ll heal my body as well as He did to my soul!
Girls, dont give up, recover as soon as u can, go to a doctor for physical problems, and you are not alone,
Should i tell my parents?
Who can i trust with something like this?
Can i get help?
Will people think i am crazy?
thanks a lot
Oh sweet heart, my heart just fell into my lap after reading your comment. This is the age I started with my fasting, binging and purging. First, you will probably want to tell the closest friend that you have, If your parents don’t already know. Do you have a close relationship with your parents? This will be your deciding factor. If you can’t trust them to not go and tell everyone or be compassionate and understanding then I would say no, not right away. Eventually you are going to want to tell them. They probably are concerned and want to know what is going on with you. If your mother is anything like mine she probably has a feeling already but doesn’t want to admit it, because she loves you. You can get help; In your neighboorhood you should find a few support groups for those that have eating disorders. Try looking up differnt hospitals in your area, look online in your community. Sometimes churches have support groups meetings. You have to want to get better and support groups are a good start. Not everyone will think your crazy. Lets face it girls, there are some people out there that are very cruel. Those are the people that don’t understand what we have gone through or going through. I would say that is why support groups are good start because they let you know that you are not alone. Victoria, trust me when I say that you are not alone. Dear Lord,
Lord, I just want to ask you to touch the lives of these woman and girls that have shared so much of the secret lives that they are experiencing. Only you Lord can help them see that recovery is the only choice. Because you love them, as much as you loved me. With out your help Lord I would still be kneeling at the base of my toilet purging all the hurtful words, all the anger, all the hate, all the loneliness. With out your mercy Lord I would not be writting this message. Please oh Lord touch these woman and girls so that they can too expereince life once again. Because they are worth it, and the devil will not win this battle, because you said he wouldn’t. In the Fathers name I pray. Amen…God Bless you all.
My name is Amy. I was anorexic for a year just and I got osteoporosis. Im 21. Now I have been recovered for a year and was happy..now these past 3 weeks I have been binge eating and now hate my body again.. Im so sad. I feel sick with the amount ive ate. I nevr make myself sick but wish I could bt I wouldn’t. im just gona cut down in calories. It just seems lik things r startin al over again. I feel miserable. i cant tel my parents.Please help:( xx
controling my binge eppisodes now. how have you stopped binge eating? i am thinking about restricting again because i feel so fat on my stomach, chin, arms, and thighs.. i havent been able to purge after ALL of my binges because my mom is a housewife and hears me.. ugh.. i hate obsessing over food,weight, calories and what other people are eating.. the saddest thing is i still weigh my food when im binging. i will weigh out 960 calories of peanuts and everything else, just so i can cry about it the following days..
” get better”. I left the program weighing 122lbs. I am still fighting with myself….Hunger is so new I never felt it until; the program. I try to supress my hunger but in turn tend to “overeat”
Sometimes I soo long to get back to that person, however when I was thin I didn’t even see it! but the harder I try, the more I overeat, the more I feel the need to purge. I don’t understand it.
My appologies if this is all over the place…just struggling and I’m tired and fed up!!
im going through the same thing…i became really strict with diet and exercising and because ive lost my period, i have had no choice but to start eating (pressure from my mum) so now i eat so much more and stuff myself with nuts and ben and jerrys everyday. however, the weight has gone on my tummy and back and i cant help but cry and think that im fat when i look in the mirror. im thinking of going back to the strictness once my period returns but i cant wait any longer. btw, my gp has booked me in for a blood test for next month….anyone know why???? pls reply back
It is better, I understand it seems like it will never end, but be strong and stay calm. People should not judge you on what you look like, if they do, they are not worth knowing.
It does get better.
I am 16 and I have eating disorder for 2 years now. First when i was 14 I got anorexia. I wanted to lose some weight and become healthy, so I exercised and ate only healthy foods, but then I became obsessed and I couldnt stop, So I stopped eating and only ate very rarely, when my parents were watching. I lost a lot of weight in few month and people who new me were shocked because i changed so much. Then I was forced to see the doctor, and he told me that I must eat, otherwise I’ll have to go to the hospital. So i started eating and having a healthy lifestyle, in about 6 month I gained some weight and I felt happy cause I new I was becoming healthy again. But then I dont know why, but I started bingeing. At first i didnt pay attention to that and I thought its normal. But then the binges became bigger and more frequent, I started to gain a lot of weight. I told my parents but they didnt take it serious. I told myself that i will stop. But I couldnt stop and couldnt control my binges. I feel so bad about that, now im binging for 1 year, and my mom still doesnt want to understand me. I feel so terrible, that i wish i was dead sometimes. Each time i binge i say iits my last time but then in about a week it repeats. I dont know what to do, i cry all the time, hate myself, i am so ashamed of what i do, and I know that my life could me so much better without this disorder. I feel so misarable, I have no friends cause i am ashamed of myself and think that people would hate me. I just cant live like that any more, i really want to change, but im scared that i am not strong enough and that im gonna fail. But at the same time i realise that i cant go on like this anymore. I read so many stories of people with binge eating disorder, and i tried so many ways but nothing helps me. I decided to write my story here because it makes me feel better somehow, maybe because i know other people with the same problem will read this and understand me.
Thanks so much for all your postings. I to am a bulimic. I have been like this for about 10 years now starting at an age that is much older than the “average bulimic”. I do really regret even starting the whole binge and purge thing. It’s an everyday battle for me. I’ve come to the realization that I am not going to let it beat me. There are so many health issues that arise from doing it. I love me and if people can’t accept me for how I look than screw them. I’m glad you all posted your thoughts on this because at one point I felt that I was truly alone.
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