Monday 5 January 2015

Candida and eating disorders

have recovered from bulimia, anorexia, overeating and binge eating
First of all let me just say that I am not here to promote or sell anything. I am just a very average girl who has recovered from all eating disorders after years of hell. In the end I had pretty much accepted that I would always have some type of eating disorder and that the best I could hope for was to find some strict diet/fitness regime that would manage my weight. But I never really believed that I could have freedom from the obsession. I never thought that I could get that monkey off my back. It
has now been two years since I have been COMPLETELY FREE.
Methods I tried to get help:
I have done everything possible to try to solve this eating disorder puzzle. Absolutely everything you can think of.
Hospitalization, therapists, 12 step programs, support groups, hypnosis, meditation, psychotherapy, specialized eating disorder counseling. Buying EVERY SINGLE book possible on the subject, diet books, self help books, forums, prayer, meditation, support groups in my area. None of these ever worked for me. I will not say that they cant work for some people, but they simply did not work for me. And I really tried my best at all of them.
What I was like.
I was a real rock bottom case. I lost an amazing job, I had no friends, I would spend days in isolation, I was hospitalized 3 times, I have been overweight and underweight, I lost boyfriends and a very loving fiancé. This eating disorder took EVRYTHING from me at different times. It went on for almost 9 years in various disguises. At certain points I had relief, but never real freedom. Today I do. I am completely, 100% free. I am fully recovered. The reason I am writing this is that I swore to myself that if
I ever did recover from this I would try to help as many people as possible. I made a promise to myself and it is so important that I cannot back down from it. If there is anything that I want it is to help someone else to achieve this sort of recovery.
At various stages my eating disorders looked like this – For a period of 2 years I was completely anorexic. I only ate certain sugary things for energy when I felt that I was about to pass out. I was buying kids clothes at age 21. I had no friends, never went out with friends to restaurants because I didn’t want them questioning my eating. I was completely alone and all my thought were dedicated to food, what I would/wouldn’t eat and getting temporary highs from buying the smallest jeans available.
From there I moved on to a period of control mixed in with binge episodes. My weight gradually increased and I always felt fat and ashamed. I would gain massive amounts of weight and then lose it through various methods that were always self punishing and painful. I ended up completely bulimic and had lost my job, boyfriend and friends. I was hospitalized twice at this point and there were weeks on end when I couldn’t leave the house – except to buy food. I’ll spare you all the details – if anyone is reading this they know very well all the different lengths that eating disorder sufferers will go to.
What I really want to focus on is the fact that today I have completely recovered. I get shivers down my back as I write this and I want to cry because it is the biggest miracle I have witnessed in my life, to date.
What this means is the following:
  • I NEVER diet. I don’t look at how many calories, carbs or fat anything has. I don’t care and I know that it is irrelevant. No matter how hard I had tried I would never find the “magic” formula. If you want to know the magic formula it is this: don’t count anything. The eating disorder is an obsession that lives in the mind. The freedom and the healthy body come once you are released from that obsession. As long as I was counting, adding, subtracting and calculating, I wasn’t free. The ED had me.
  • I only exercise to feel better emotionally. Exercise makes me feel good. It boosts my mood and makes me happy. This is why I do it now – I don’t punish myself, I don’t look at how many calories I have burned and if I’m busy and don’t get to workout, I don’t care.
  • I eat out with my friends and love it. I go out as often as I can because I live in an amazing city with so much nightlife. I look at the menu and find the things that appeal to me. I eat whatever I feel like and I don’t fuss about how much fat/calories it has. If I am still hungry I eat dessert. Sometimes I finish everything and sometimes I don’t. It just depends on whether I feel full and what else I have had that day (or whether I enjoy the meal!)
  • Once I have finished a meal or snack I don’t think about it again. No matter what it was. I don’t think of anything in terms of “good” or “bad”. I just don’t think about it. I eat, I finish and then I get on with my life. The easting disorder does not live in my head because I don’t play dangerous games like dieting, calorie counting or over exercising.
What It is like today
Today I woke up late because I had a late night out. I did some work and when I felt hungry after a few hours I made my favorite meal. I have no idea how much fat/carb/content it has. I just know I like it. Then I made something else that I love an hour later because I was still hungry. Again, I would have a clue about the calorie content and I don’t care. I just know that I love the taste; it fills me up and gives me energy to continue my work (writing). Later I will probably have whatever meal I feel like – I have a few favorite things at the moment and I will see what I feel like later. If I want it I have it and if I don’t, I stop. I know what full means and it makes me feel sick to have more than my body wants. I don’t watch what other people are eating and I don’t engage in conversations about dieting, weight loss or unhealthy tricks to lose weight. I still drink diet drinks because I like the taste, but if I am somewhere where they don’t have any, I just drink the regular drink. I never worry about it because I understand something – that one regular drink doesn’t make me fat. The obsessive thinking and control does.
Last night I went to a friend’s fundraiser and there was food there. It was a buffet and I picked out the things that I genuinely like. The girl serving said “I love girls who eat real food and not just salad”. As I
write this I cannot believe that I am that girl. I would never have eaten at an event before. If I did, it would have been an overeating episode and I would have had to go straight home after. I ate my meal with my friend and then we all sat around talking for hours. Not at any point did I think about what I had eaten
My body is healthy and normal. I am a perfect weight for my height and I am attractive. I don’t look at other girls or compare myself – ever. I don’t discuss diets or weight loss under any circumstances. Even though I am recovered, I will protect my recovery and sanity because I am so grateful for it.
If this has helped anybody, I am blessed. If there is anything else I can do, please contact me. I am available to anyone looking for help. Even if you are not sure, even if you are still in the grips of it. I don’t
discriminate because I understand the powerlessness. I am here for you to do what I can, because I have been given this gift and don’t want to lose it.
FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME AT
mayanewyork@gmail.com
- Maya


Comments

43 Responses to “I have recovered from bulimia, anorexia, overeating and binge eating”
  1. BULIMIC says:
    I AM BULIMIC SINCE ABOUT TEN YEARS. I TOLD MY HUSBAND AS WE WERE DATING OVER FIVE YEARS AGO. NOW WE HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR FIVE YEARS AND WE HAVE A GREAT MARRIAGE. MY HUSBAND IS A GREAT MAN AND WORK VERY HARD SO HE CAN PROVIDE US WITH EVERYTHING POSSIBLE. WE DON’T HAVE KIDS, BUT WE’LL LIKE TO HAVE JUST ONE IN THE FUTURE.
    THE OTHER NIGHT I HAD A HUGE URGE TO VOMIT SO BAD AFTER DINNER, HE REALIZED SO AND TALK TO ME OUT OF NOT GOING TO THE BATHROOM AND VOMIT WHAT WE JUST SHARED OVER DINNER. MY HUSBAND IS A COP, HE IS GOOD AT TALKING PEOPLE OUT OF BAD SITUATIONS. MY HUSBAND GOT ME INTO BED AND CALM ME DOWN AS I CRY FOR WANTING TO VOMIT MY FOOD. I TOLD HIM THAT IT WAS BOTHERING ME INSIDE AND IT WAS HURTING ME; AND HE IN A CALM TONE OF VOICE SAID: IT HURTS BECAUSE IT NEED TO BE TALKED ABOUT AND MAYBE WITH A HELP OF A THERAPIST IT CAN HELP YOU OR HELP ME TO HELP YOU TO THROW IT ALL UP IN WORDS, AND ADDED: SOMETHING IS BOTHERING YOU INSIDE AND WE NEED TO DEAL WITH IT WITH THE HELP OF A THERAPIST. HE CONTINUE TOUCHING MY HAIR SOFTLY UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP. IN THE MORNING, AS WE WERE HAVING BREAKFAST HE ASKED ME HOW I WAS FEELING AND STATED THAT IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO START TO SEE A THERAPIST, I ASK HIM IF HE COULD COME WITH ME AND HE SAID THAT OF COURSE HE WILL BE THERE BY MY SIDE ALL THE STEP OF THE WAY. HE ALSO ASSURE THAT HE MAY NOT BE ABLE TO AGREE IN EVERYTHING I WANTED IMPLYING THROWING UP, BUT HE WILL GIVE ME TOUGH LOVE IF THAT IS NECESSARY FOR ME TO OVERCOME MY EATING DISORDER. I THINK THAT HE HAS DONE YESTERDAY BY NOT LETTING ME APPROACH THE BATHROOM AND REDIRECT ME TO OUR BED.
    I LIKE TO HAVE MY HUSBAND AWARE THAT I SUFFER FROM BULIMIA, BECAUSE HE IS A GREAT DEAL OF HELP AS IS, I WILL START SEEING A THERAPIST AS SOON AS NEXT WEEK AND HE WILL COME TO EVERY SESSION WITH ME TO SUPPORT ME ALL THE WAY, BUT I AM SCARE ABOUT THAT TOUGH LOVE.
    THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME EXPRESS MY THROUGHTS.
    A BULIMIC COP’S WIFE
  2. Jude says:
    I just finished reading the stories regarding bulimia, anorexia and binge eating. For years I went through this torment and it has destroyed many relationships. Well one could say that I allowed it to. Now at 55 I am at my heaviest and so depressed I rarely leave the house. Each and every time I have lost a vast amount of weight I vowed I would never go back but such a failure that I am it always comes back and with a vengence. I swear this last time when I began this weight gain I honestly felt as if I were possesed. It was a complete night mare.
    I do have willpower{but lost it}but do not seem to care any more and really do not feel like living this empty life. The pain ,the shame ,the lonliness is becoming unbearable .
    I do not understand it all but my life is non existent,with no friends and no outside interests what so ever .I do not know what to do any more.
  3. deena says:
    I’m also bulimic (14 years now) and leading a miserable life. My relationship with ny family is inevitably chaotic. I tried various forms of therapy, hospitalization etc. I feel resentful and angry whenever anyone tries to stop me from purging or makes the slightest comment or gesture about my eating. No job, no friends, a failing marriage, I binge like crazy not knowing how to stop. I feel ashamed, unhappy, worthless and the rest you probably know. I’m scared and need help, where I live eating disorders are not popular and treatment facilities are very limited plse help . I’m totally lost
  4. Jen says:
    I know how it is for all of you although I could not imagine 14 years and I was very young at the time(13) honestly I don’t know how I got over it mine lasted 4 years at worst weighing 78pounds at 5’6 I really think when I came back to school after the summer it started and people constantly harassed me I started to worry more about what they thought than what I thought(wich is what mainly got me into this mess in the first place) but it took me years to slowly ween off it to let loose I went through periods of binging making myself think this is it this is your last big meal till you start over Id do it once a day like every other week but I realized everytime I had that thought thats what made me over eat to begin with. My life didnt get better I didnt take self help classes or anything like that(I did do hospitalization counseling books ect. early on but that didn’t help) just slowly I focused on other stuff in my life good or bad set new goals like trying to fit in or go out my focus became more so that than food to this day Id say the past 3 years Ive been semi cured it will always be with me and ill always think about it when I’m unhappy with myself or relationships but I realize now more than ever it takes more will power to be anorexic than not to be. Once I got in the habit of not telling myself I had to binge now or Id never eat what I want because it would make me fat its hard but slowly I had to let that feeling go and put my focus into something else weather its painting or your marriage or whatever the case may be I guess thats what I would recommend to get out of it if your isolated in most cases people are find something you enjoy doing in the house or on the internet thats not related to food or body image It will not be easy I can tell you that much and I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa meaning it came from other deeper issues than just simply thinking I was fat maybe it gave me something to focus on rather than the reality of my life but I cant say my situation got any better not relating to the eating disorder its self but life in general I went through alot as a teen including dieing of alcohol poisoning for several minutes trying drugs and watching my mother try to kill herself and I guess in that situation you either go one of two ways your eating disorder becomes worse because of whats happening or you focus more on whats happening of course it will still be there for a time but hopefully not the most dominant aspect of your life hopefully this will help Ive gone through it all trust me from weighing myself everyday to trying bulimia because I lost my willpower to not eat 700 freakin calories a day all I can say is find a distraction find something that means more to you than this maybe a couple things and stick with them change up your daily routine if you have one that includes uhealthy practices do something new in place of it each day so you will slowly forget. Take into consideration of what those who care about you have to say (even if you dont want to hear it) and most important in the end as hard as it is to give this up or whatever may be causing it try and realize whats its doing to your life and that you are only hurting yourself!!!
  5. Binger says:
    I’ve been a bulemic since my early teens. All this media image of what beauty is damages a person’s self-esteem, especially if one is vulnerable because of stressful events and life experiences. At first I would vomit every thing I would eat. I would feel an urge to eat something, like a pastry from the pastry shop I worked, and I would end eating three or four and then stoping at a public restroom on my way home to vomit.I did manage to keep this under my control and not let any one know. i’ve been married for 20 years now and i don’t think my husband ever knew about my disorder. I’ve been ‘clean’ for more than 5 years now, because I decided that I needed and wanted to control this monster, or it was going to bury me, psysical and emotional. I think that ‘once a bulemic’ you will always be at risk of having a relapse, unless you keep focused on controlling your thoughts. This has worked for me, and like the person who wrote the story about having fully recovered from her ED, I do believe it’s possible, just accept yourslef and forgive yourself whenever you overindulge. I’ve managed to reach an acceptable weight for myself, and if for some reason I over eat, I don’t let my thoughts provoke in me an automatic reaction of having to vomit…tomorrow I’ll be fine, it’s not the end of the world. You can do it, you can control your mind and actions, just believe in yourself and develop self-acceptance.
  6. Anne of Port Charlotte, Fl says:
    An EATING disorder? Just wait until you find yourself being Diabetic, have Hypothyrodism, AND Gastroparesis, an incurable disease of the stomach; and you find there’s so little food you CAN eat that doesn’t turn to starchy sugars, OR that your stomach will digest and pass through your intestines, OR that won’t aggravate your sluggish thyroid, QUITE A COMBINATION THAT LEAVES VERY LITTLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY CAN EAT, ALL which causes major vitamin deficienceies and tremendous bone loss; THEN whine about an eating disorder! Good Lord!!! An eating disorder! You bet it’s mental!! You have no concept of what a REAL eating disorder is like!!!
  7. Anne of Port Charlotte, Fl says:
    Sorry…… I just couldn’t help myself! Sorry again, didn’t check my spelling…. Deficienceies = deficencies.
  8. Sylvianne says:
    Mental illness is as real as physical illness. And drawing comparisons of peoples’ suffering is the most ignorant and worthless thing you can do.
  9. natalie says:
    Anne, you should not display your ignorance so boldly, your bitterness has no place here. suffering is a personal experience, but it is still suffering, you can make no legitimate comparisons. I have been bulimic for about six years, and recently this painful mental condition has manifested itself in some really awful physical ways. After years of daily cycles of binging on sugary carbs and then barfing it all up, I developed Irritable Bowel (IBS) syndrome, a year after this diagnosis, I still suffer from IBS and have now developed two other gastro/intestinal conditions, the first was candidiasis, and I now have stomach ulcers. With all of these problems combined, my diet is very limited, I now have to consider everyday foods as poison. The urge to binge now has to be weighed up against my potential for withstanding the physical pain of the after effects. I no longer have the option to eat whatever I want, I ruined my digestive system. I Take full responsibility for it, and am not bitter about it. I just hope that i can help other women out there before they befall the same fate.
  10. Anna says:
    God Bless you all. After almost 25 years of suffering with an eating disorder, I am finally free for the past 4 months. Remember that you are as strong as you BELIEVE you are. You can do what you BELIEVE you can. You become what you BELIEVE. Good luck to all of you, there is hope
  11. Jen says:
    To Anne: I realize what your going through may seem like something terrible and you could look at people with an eating disorder and be disgusted because you are not fully aware of what its like to be in this state of mind and you possibly believe that people choose to bring this curse upon them selves and let it ruin their life just know when your in a certain state of mind with an eating disorder it becomes a disease that you can not control its not a option to wake up the next day and tell yourself oh I was just doing that for the heck of it I think ill go back to normal eating habits now, not at all weather you want to realize it or not its just as stress full if not more so we don’t choose what to eat based on an internal problem its completely a mental struggle with your self everyday as well as the huge impact it has on your health and body in the long run. So I’m sorry that you are going through what you are that doesn’t sound pleasant in the least but its not your right to judge and mock people on a subject that you haven’t had any personal experience with yourself so Im not going to call you ignorant even if it was my first thought after reading your comment I would go more along the lines of bitter and uninformed but befor you place judgement on anothers situation realize you cannot fully know what its like until you have been there yourself.
  12. Laura says:
    This is a mental state, so just like anything else learn to see it as a temporary phase and tackle it day by day. I was admitted into hospital weighing 46kg for a 29 year old lady it was way too tiny. I was forced to eat and I quickly gained the weight back till I was 52kg, and life has been like living in hell I watched myself eat less and less, excercise less cause I got to the point where I was done with it. Now infact today I decided that enough is enough , no more vomiting. Just learning to eat right, exercise and be at peace with it. And find a better way of getting the Joy back in my life
  13. kris says:
    I started to binge and purge when I was 14. By the time I was 18 I was binging and purging all the time followed by three day fasts.Before I turned 19 I met my fiance and been with him for 12 years. I am not saying that he healed me but If I had gone back home I would have continued my obsessive compulsive ways. Today if I feel like eating a bowl of icecream I don’t think about how much I just ate or all that is related. I will be honest and say that in the 10 years of my recovery I have relapse 4 times. I am 30 years old. I was hospitalized and saw girls and guys that were far worse off than I was. Today even though I am recoverd I have many physical problems. My teeth are all decayed and I can’t have kids. All because I wanted more than anything just to be thin. It isn’t worth it. I am free of my binding ED.
  14. kris says:
    Dear Dena,
    There is hope. I think that for all the people out there with an eating disorder that one day it just clicks. You hear this voice that says YOU MUST STOP! I know for sure that is what happened to me. You can stop. You will stop. You have to stop.
    No one wants to see you hurt yourself. That is why they make the comments and try to stop you. Your marriage is dying because your husband is slowly watching you kill yourself and he doesn’t know what to do. He loves you. You entire family does too. You just have to stop to beable to see more clearly.
    When the disease has it’s full control over you all you see is your body and food. Not just food but controlling it. How you eat it, when you eat it, how much, how little, none at all, or just a little taste. All of this controlling food because we feel as if we can’t control anything else but this one area of our lives. Body and food. I have faith that you will get better, all of you reading this.
  15. Willow says:
    I have been Bulimic since I was 11 and I am now 16. It is horrible and all I want is help ..I look at food and I start to cry just thinking about gaining any more weight. I can’t deal with it anymore.
  16. Lisbeth says:
    Thank you for sharing. I`m happy to hear your stories. I`ve anorexic for two years,after quiting that I became boulimic 10years. Now mostly overeating. I absolutely agree that `deciding` not to count calories, thinking about food and weight all the time, is doing it. Now I can accept my body more for looking the way it does not as slim as I think it would be. I don`t mind it. It doesn`t effect me that much – emotionally – anymore. When I became aware what the consequences where, losing friends, not really having a lot of other knowledge besides of food and weight, not having a lot of skills, problems relating to people, depression,… it helps to make a choice between losing more than I already did or creating and investing in the live I really want and start a new episode. Which is a learning process. Capturing your thoughts, that became habbits, became personality.
    Thank for sharing it gave me confidance my new I`am doing are the right things.
  17. Frances says:
    Anne of Port Charlotte, you are an ignorant person.
    And Natalie: do not take “full responsibility” for it!!!
    What we have is a MENTAL DISEASE!!
    Not one of us woke up and said: “I think I would like to throw away my teenage years, possibly any relationship that I have, I want to be miserable and depressed…and why not throw away normal eating habits, bring on an obsession…look I know, just give me a darn eating disorder, that ought to do it!!”
    At least your condition isn’t ingrained in your head.
    There is no doubt I would rather have a physical disability or cancer over this insidious disease.
    I would not wish it upon my worst enemy.
    I am currently going through therapy in the hope of one day recovering, after 6 long years of torture.
    I pray for all of you who have to suffer this.
  18. Z says:
    I had a binge eating disorder when I was 14 and the one thing that got me out of the obsession was just giving in to my temptations. A quote from Oscar Wilde: “The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.” I read this in the book Dorian Gray a few weeks ago and it gave me a surge of emotions because this is what saved me.
    As you have already mentioned, people with eating disorders constantly think about their food and it is their priority in life. As for me, I would always either think about the previous binge I had and be filled with guilt or just be filled with hopelessness that I was never going to get out of this cycle. Once I got massive cravings and started on a binge, I would say this would be my last one and I’ll just eat a lot because I won’t do it again, but it never got better.
    Then I started making myself eat all the junk foods and filled myself up everyday. I wouldn’t feel guilty about it. I mean, I was the one choosing to eat a lot. Before I let the cravings build up and then give in to it, so it was me giving into it, not choosing to do it. With giving in to it, I gained a few pounds, but the hopelessness disappeared, and the cycle stopped.
    To people who read this comment, everything in this article above works. You have to give in to it if you want to overcome it. Lose all feelings of guilt and obsession.
  19. Jo says:
    Hi, everyone..
    To Maya, kudos to you for finally conquering your disease and much love and blessings to you for sharing with everyone how you arrived at your eppifany.
    To Anne, I’m sorry that you are suffering so, but coming here and comparing apples to oranges isn’t the way to go. Maya’s post clearly talked about eating disorders, NOT digestive, thyroid or autoimmune diseases. Regardless of the type of disease, everyone here is suffering, and you’ve no right to negate the experiences of anyone else because they fail to match your own.
    As for me, I’m 44, and have suffered with disordered eating since I was 15, and had bulimia since about 17. Though bulimia has always been more dominant, I’ve also struggled “back and forth” with anorexia and binge-eating. In fact, once I went over 5 years without purging (although it did nothing to “cure” the binging), but then went back to purging unexpectedly in November of last year. I have no friends or social life (mainly because I suffer from social anxiety and depression), and I feel like there’s this constant monkey on my back. I’ve tried the intuitive eating “thing” (what I believe Maya has related), but it only works for so long because I can’t mentally get out of the way. I am not satisfied to just accept myself the way I am, and I use food to cope with my feelings. These two things constantly impede my progress. I think if I could just wake up one day and be happy with who I am and not use food to distract from painful emotions, I would have a chance at eating normally. So that is my advice to anyone suffering; we must find a way to accept who we are and express our feelings in a positive way. I think that would be a huge step in our recovery.
    To the bulimic wife of a cop, you are lucky to have such an understanding husband. I only wish that I could find/have someone like that to help me towards recovery, too. My prayer is that each and every one of you will find your own Prince or Princess (whether friend or lover) to help you find your way.
    Much love and peace to you all.
    Jo
  20. nicole says:
    I currently have a binge eating disorder and it is making me depressed and miserable. I hate binging, like i will eat over 2000 calories in once sitting for no reason and i feel so uncomfortably full. I really don’t know what to do anymore, i need help. I am only 15 years old and i don’t want to be like this forever. I am gaining weight everyday because of my binging. I am not overweight yet but i am definatly getting there! I constantly have to eat alone and am isolating myself and then i always fight with my mom over my binging. I never smile anymore, and it kills my mom to see me unhappy. I refuse to wear anything tight to school because i don’t want people noticing my weight gain. Therefore i dress ugly everyday, because that’s how i feel. I can’t take this anymore, i feel like dying because of this disorder, please help me?
  21. Francois says:
    Hi. I read through your stories and found myself in the same place. I have Bulemia now for 20 years. Undetected and still feel I need to do it. My body seemed to addapt. if I stop doiing it, my weight it shooting up and I am controlling my food intake. It just starts over again. My teeth have decayed quite badly already, and i was in a major accident over a year ago, and it took almost a year for my bones to heal. The doctors did not know why but I knew why…I recently started to see a doctor, but it is easy to stop, but how do you keep the weight down? I am tired of trying…
  22. Rudy says:
    Just read each of your comments and stories. I am 49 years old, married 29 years, and have 5 children. I am so tired of being sick and tired. Just when I think I am doing better then something sets me off and I am back to letting food control me. I have suffered with eating disorders since I was 16 years old. Anorexia, then Bulimarexia, and then Bulimia. Bulimia has been ever-most present through the past 10 years or more. I don’t purge anymore and just suffer the consequences of being overweight. My family really doesn’t know the extent of my condition and, although I have told my husband, I don’t really believe he comprehends what I truly go through.
    Depression usually is going on at the same time so a binge just brings me down further.
    It is sad to think how long this has been a part of my life! I want to be free. I do know that God can give me that freedom. It is a step by step, day by day (sometimes hour by hour) process. I must give it to Him. I must find my strength in Him… there is no other way!
    Trust that each of us who have written about our situation(s) will find that peace of mind. He is the answer.
  23. Joanna says:
    To: Anne of Port Charlotte, Fl. Anne, your apologies are definitely not accepted from me. Your condition is much different. Your issues are no worse than any of the rest of ours, and however are not any better either. Either way, none of us have control over the issues. If we did, do you think any of us would choose to live this way? Why don’t you stop pittying yourself and asking for pitty from others, and simply do what you can and make the most out of your situation. There is no need to rant and rave and try to make your own issues seem so much worse than anybody elses. Or wait…is that all you can do to make yourself feel better? Maybe if you weren’t obese in the first place, you would never have developed diabetes and any of your other conditions. Here’s another point…there are hospitals and medications that can help treat your conditions, bulimia, anorexia and any other eating disorder, has no medication. Be thankful for what you do have, the positives in your life, and be thankful for the things you are able to eat…without it controlling your life!
  24. Jesse says:
    “” Anne of Port Charlotte, Fl on Sep 13th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
    An EATING disorder? Just wait until you find yourself being Diabetic, have Hypothyrodism, AND Gastroparesis, an incurable disease of the stomach; and you find there’s so little food you CAN eat that doesn’t turn to starchy sugars, OR that your stomach will digest and pass through your intestines, OR that won’t aggravate your sluggish thyroid, QUITE A COMBINATION THAT LEAVES VERY LITTLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY CAN EAT, ALL which causes major vitamin deficienceies and tremendous bone loss; THEN whine about an eating disorder! Good Lord!!! An eating disorder! You bet it’s mental!! You have no concept of what a REAL eating disorder is like!!! “”
    Anne that is the most ignorant thing I have ever heard. I am 32 and have been diabetic for 18 years. There is no and I mean NO comparison to what they are going through. I apologize for the way I referred to the people with disorders. Diabetics have control over what we eat, when, and how much. If I want something extra I adjust my insulin. I have someone that I love very much who is going through bulimerexia. Our problem is a physical one theirs is something that they see and want to fix but aren’t able to. Theirs is not a matter of choice it’s something that they cannot just walk away from. So next time you open your mouth think before you speak if that’s possible.
    Jesse
  25. mary says:
    Hi,
    Was reading some of the comments. My bestfriend has diabetes.
    And it is horrible to deal with yes. But you cant compare diabetes with an eating disorder. Eating disorders are really about mental illness. And people with eating disorders are always bi-polar,depressed,OCD…..etc…..
    I would say in my opinion an eating disorder is worse,simply because it is an insane act. You have to be mentally unstable to go against the your natural need of survival. You are slowly killing yourself through starvation. And though you may realize it,you dont care. You still starve yourself. I have delt with bulimia and anorexia since I was 11 years old. I am 23 now. I have all kinds of health problems,am bi-olar,and have all kinds of health problems.
    Most of the time I daydream about looking like a skeleton again. It makes me feel better.
    And that is crazy,it makes no logical sense.
    I have lived in a hospital with other Eating disorder patients. REally sick people,who have to be pushed around in wheel chairs because they are so weak and skinny,they cant walk.
    Now I understand you are being self-righteous and trying to give people perspective on ” real” problems……But just remember,YOU are not mentally ill.
    YOU want to live.
    Subconsciously I think people with eating disorders…..if it gets bad enough,just want to die.
    And the whole point of starving is to hurt yourself.
    SO my point is…….at least you are not crazy! lol
    People with real eating disorders….( people who throw up 20 times a day, people who dont eat and abuse laxatives,people who are like 70 lbs ) ARE unable to live normal lives in any way.
    And it is not because of some physical thing they cant control.
    It is because they are so crazy,they are choosing to destroy their bodies slowly. SLowly,BUT it will happen.
    It’s like being someone who is killing themselves and they dont care.
    IT can destroy families.
    IT kills people.
    SO next time YOU rant.
    Remember,you are not mentally ill.
    YOU are able to take care of yourself,and you want to live.
    Being mentally ill to the point you are a skeleton,is frightening and strange.
    SO have some compassion.
    Thanks.
  26. Janet says:
    I just finished reading everyone’s comments. It is sad that we have to lower are maturity level and fight over which disease is the worst to have. I am a recovering eating disorder female. My grandmother died eight months ago from many complications such as diabetes. My aunt has bipolar and personality disorder. My dad drank himself to death and my mother is a lesbian. Many people with certain “diseases” cope better than other’s. Some are not as fortunate. I don’t think that having a eating disorder is worse than having diabetes. Or vice versa. Actually both can be controlled. One with medication and the other by a person’s choice to controll his or her behavoir and motivation not continue on their everyday routine that leads into destructive actions against one’s body. In the end most of these diseases can kill. Isn’t that the underlying issue here? Not that one is worse than the other but they both can kill a person? I think so. My grandmother let her diabetes go untreated for many years. In her last days she was very sick. Let me clearify that diabetes alone did not kill her but it was among many other conditions she endured. I pray for everyone who has any kind of illness that they may find peace within the lord. It is by the grace of god that I no longer suffer from bulimia, anorexia, and bulimarexia. Also, I pray for all the people who might read these comments and think that it is sickening to have a eating disorder. I hear things like that all the time. But what those people don’t care to recognize is that in today’s society if you aren’t thin you aren’t “in”, so to speak. The media makes it very clear that being thin is normal and fat is not. Even if a person is actually not fat but at a normal decent weight the media will say other wise.
  27. Samantha says:
    Janet you are spot on when you say that the best way to know a complete peace, to know a freedom from an eating disorder and to be ok with who we are is through a relationship with Jesus Christ. SOme of us will ask, “Well what does that mean?”…Well just ask for Jesus to come into your life, ask for help, call out to Him and he will answer. Do you know that God created you, do you know that he delights in you, He knows you and He loves you and He wants you to come to know Him and to love Him. You may ask, “Well how can God love me when my life is in such a mess”?…THe answer…Well I don’t know why your life is the way it is, but I know that God knows and I know that you can know if you seek out God…God has all the answers and everything you need to fill that emptiness inside of you. What do you have to lose, everyone here hates what they have become and would love just to wake up one morning and find that all of your eating disorder problems have dissappeared. You would be happy and ok with who you are! You would be able to be you and love life and live an enjoyable one. There is a way to freedom and its by developing a relationship with Jesus Christ. If you don’t know how than just start with a prayer, “Jesus, I want to get to know you, I have heard that with a relationship with you I can know a freedom from my eating disorder, is this true? if it is than show me, are you real? than show me and make it clear for me to see”… Pray this prayer and have your eyes open to an answer, it may not come straight away but in the following days it will. Keep your eyes open and continue to pray, to speak to Jesus. He will answer you.
  28. marce says:
    thank you maya for helping,because of your letter i just read im going to stop overeating as of today,each time something bad happens i go to food to feel better,i need to learn how to say no to unhealthy lifestyle,im going to excerise to feel good about myself,and show my 13year old son mom can beat this once and for all.it,s not going to be easy be with gods help i will beat this ugly demon.if someone whats to become friends we maybe can help each other,i will be here for support,and i would want the same thing,i use to run alot before winter set in then i got lazy stop jogging even when i have a treadmill in my home,so each morning before i do anything around the house i will excerise first,and start off slow until i work myself up to a full sprint and running again,this is what help me not overeat before i got mairred ,after i mairred my husband of only knowing him for only 3months he began to call me names every name you could think of then after my feelings were hurt he would take me shopping to buy whatever i wanted,before i met him i had finally got my eatting under control my weight was good i wasent overeating and i feft great! look great to,maybe thats why he mairred me so fast,well after we mairred i told him i was a overeater,and i cant take yelling and screaming,why did i tell my husband that? he started yelling every day for no reason,wanting me to eat out everyday,i told him that i dont like being arount food,well he did everything i ask him not to do to me,i got so stress out i started overeating,i gained 50lbs in 5 months,he stop me from working out ,going to the gym,and just wanted me to sit at home all day eatting food.well after just 1year of marriage i left him,i tryed to get help for my husband but nothing help,he became more evil every day until i got fat again, then after i gained all my weight back he started calling me a fattie,ugly,u name it he called me,now im trying to get my life back on track,like it was b4 i ever met him.i still cry at night because he was soooooooooooooooo wonderful when we first met.but now that i have a peaceful home again its no excuse 4 me not to try again.god bless u all!
  29. lucy says:
    I spent horrendous 6 years with full bulimia and have been fully recovered for 20 years. It is absolutely possible to recover.I did not recover through therapy but I think this could have given me get my life back earlier.I found a couple of things helped me:
    I stopped weighing myself.I have only weighed myself about once a year for the past 20 years.
    I have never been on a diet or restricted my intake again.
    Also from an ex bulimic to everyone suffering.Let me tell you how deceptive bulimia is. When I had bulimia my face was puffed up all the time even if I wasnt purging alot.I hate photo’s of myself through that period as I look like a different person. When I stopped bulimia my appearance completely changed and the funniest thing was that I lost all the weight. The thing I thought was keeping my weight down(bulimia) was the thing making me fat(great companion). So six years of obsessional dieting and binging/ puring had actually made me heavy and severely depressed.
    Underneath every bulimic is a very strong woman. I am having the most amazing life now and the only food that I would say brings back the impulse is icecream…so I avoid that after dinner. In the end my bulimia became less important to me than the life I wanted so I had to say goodbye to it. Ive never missed it and in the end it slipped away quickly. I totally agree with the post that you have to give in to recover. Stop fighting with it. It just loves the battle.
  30. jamie nowak says:
    I am so glad that you are on your way and i want to say so am I…..that is why I googled bulimia and recovery…I seperated from my husband 5 weeks ago and I told myself no matter how much weight I gain I will never purge again……never….so I haven’t and yes I have gained 15 pounds I went from a lean 120 pounder to a 135 pounder….but I am healthy ………so I gotta admit somedays I really hate the way I look but I love my new emotional mind set……does anyone else feel like this………I am a women who is 5 4 and 135 does this sound like a good weight to be….I do have to admit I have never felt better……………….but this recovery road is so windy but I am gonna hang in……….
  31. Phoebe says:
    I have been reading the testimonials, and crying. I was anorexic when i was 19. hospitalized for being only 80 lbs. Got out, and at the age of 21, i started throwing up, and from now on, till i was 30. i continued
    i am writing this one in tears. because i look back, and wish that I did stop whenever my family begged me, or I was receiving therapies. but i didnt, i couldnt
    I remember crying all nite, and beggin God to help me to stop that. Stop to eat n vomit, stop hiding everything from everyone, Feeling sick all the time
    If anyone reading this right now, and suffering from bulemia, please, i beg you , please , do your best to find someone to help you so you can stop!
    I recovered eventually at the age 30, because i kept having anxiety and panic attacks due to the worry of dying.
    and now, after 2 years of recovery, i am having major health problems. I have an ulcer, i have digestion problems, i am constantly bloated, tired, shaky.
    finally i will have the guts to go to my doctor to help me, I am just so afraid I ruined my body more than I can ever imagine
    i wasted my 20s in this misery. I wasted my life, I am 31 in the body of 80 yrs old woman. I regret every moment, every action, of being a bulemic. my face was always swollen, I was so ugly. I always run away from people, and relationships, and even my family
    I moved so far that they d not know what I am doing. I missed their years, i missed lots of things. and Its all my fault
    I wish i recovered earlier. i wish i never was a bulemic, I wish i accepted help when it was just the beginning
    I am happy that i ve been clean for 2 years now. but my body reminds me every second of what i did. I am sick, i am tired, and memories are killing me
    I hope, you wont make the same mistake, and live with bulemia for years. it was a lonely, hard, and sad life, very unhappy life.
    i just pray God that He ll heal my body as well as He did to my soul!
    Girls, dont give up, recover as soon as u can, go to a doctor for physical problems, and you are not alone,
  32. Victoria says:
    I am fourteen and have been bulimic for over a year now. I ahve tried talking to my parents but it is just to werid. So i went on google and typed ing support for people with eating disorders and found this. I was reading some of the things that yall have posted and i was wondering if yall could give me some adivice!!!!! I really could use someone to talk to. So if it wouldnt bother yall would you mind answering these questuions….
    Should i tell my parents?
    Who can i trust with something like this?
    Can i get help?
    Will people think i am crazy?
    thanks a lot
  33. Kris says:
    Victoria,
    Oh sweet heart, my heart just fell into my lap after reading your comment. This is the age I started with my fasting, binging and purging. First, you will probably want to tell the closest friend that you have, If your parents don’t already know. Do you have a close relationship with your parents? This will be your deciding factor. If you can’t trust them to not go and tell everyone or be compassionate and understanding then I would say no, not right away. Eventually you are going to want to tell them. They probably are concerned and want to know what is going on with you. If your mother is anything like mine she probably has a feeling already but doesn’t want to admit it, because she loves you. You can get help; In your neighboorhood you should find a few support groups for those that have eating disorders. Try looking up differnt hospitals in your area, look online in your community. Sometimes churches have support groups meetings. You have to want to get better and support groups are a good start. Not everyone will think your crazy. Lets face it girls, there are some people out there that are very cruel. Those are the people that don’t understand what we have gone through or going through. I would say that is why support groups are good start because they let you know that you are not alone. Victoria, trust me when I say that you are not alone. Dear Lord,
    Lord, I just want to ask you to touch the lives of these woman and girls that have shared so much of the secret lives that they are experiencing. Only you Lord can help them see that recovery is the only choice. Because you love them, as much as you loved me. With out your help Lord I would still be kneeling at the base of my toilet purging all the hurtful words, all the anger, all the hate, all the loneliness. With out your mercy Lord I would not be writting this message. Please oh Lord touch these woman and girls so that they can too expereince life once again. Because they are worth it, and the devil will not win this battle, because you said he wouldn’t. In the Fathers name I pray. Amen…God Bless you all.
  34. Hayleycourtney says:
    I hav suffered with aneroxic 4 about a year and a half I got down 2 6 stone and looked horrible. I was miserable wud go anywhere and pushed a lot of people away. I didn’t strave myself just watched everythink I eat and counted calories. I was eating around 500 cals a day. My family and friends was all very worried but I told them I was fine as I couldn’t admit 2 myself I had a problem. It was until about 2months ago that I saw a picture of myself that I realised I looked horrible. But since I hav admitted I hav a problem I hav bin binge eating like mad eating everythink I can find. I have put a stone on I look better but it’s all gone 2 my stomach it’s really getting me down and I hate myself. I feel fat and horrible, I am so scared that I won’t b able 2 control myself and become really over weight. Please can any1 giv me some advice. Xx
  35. Amy says:
    Hello:(
    My name is Amy. I was anorexic for a year just and I got osteoporosis. Im 21. Now I have been recovered for a year and was happy..now these past 3 weeks I have been binge eating and now hate my body again.. Im so sad. I feel sick with the amount ive ate. I nevr make myself sick but wish I could bt I wouldn’t. im just gona cut down in calories. It just seems lik things r startin al over again. I feel miserable. i cant tel my parents.Please help:( xx
  36. ava says:
    i am 12 almost 13 and have been suffering with anorexia for several months now. it started this summer when i was 164lbs at 5’4 and considered obese when i decided to lose weight. i began my weightloss with a simple 1200 calorie diet, and toward late august, i began eating less than 800. the numbers kept decreasing, and i lost about 58lbs by september.. my friends started to notice and my school counselor called my parents. this caused fighting and me becoming even more secretive. i cried and fought when they tried to get me to eat, and when they eventually stopped, i started binge eating. i am currently gaining weight and have gont from 104.5 to 115.2lbs in less than a month. i was never severely underweight, but comparing my weightloss to that of an anorexic, the severity of my disorder was getting pretty bad. i just want to go back to feeling light on my feet and ‘healthy.’ i was happier when i was losing pounds of fat a week. i need help
    controling my binge eppisodes now. how have you stopped binge eating? i am thinking about restricting again because i feel so fat on my stomach, chin, arms, and thighs.. i havent been able to purge after ALL of my binges because my mom is a housewife and hears me.. ugh.. i hate obsessing over food,weight, calories and what other people are eating.. the saddest thing is i still weigh my food when im binging. i will weigh out 960 calories of peanuts and everything else, just so i can cry about it the following days..
  37. Carol says:
    I am 36 and have suffered from bulimia and anorexia,since I was 15. Last summer Iwas in an eating disorder program, for 3 months. I enterd at 95 lbs at 5foot six. I left behind my husband and children to
    ” get better”. I left the program weighing 122lbs. I am still fighting with myself….Hunger is so new I never felt it until; the program. I try to supress my hunger but in turn tend to “overeat”
    Sometimes I soo long to get back to that person, however when I was thin I didn’t even see it! but the harder I try, the more I overeat, the more I feel the need to purge. I don’t understand it.
    My appologies if this is all over the place…just struggling and I’m tired and fed up!!
  38. ella says:
    Thank you everyone for sharing your stories. I’m 26 years old and have been bulimic for about 2 years now. I’m at the point now where I dont know what to do anymore. Only recently did I actually realize that it is taking over my life. It all began 2 years ago when I started taking my friends dexadrine (adhd medication). I took it to help my focus in school, but noticed that it also took away my appetite. Im 5’9 and In a couple months, I went from 170 lbs to 135. My friend stopped giving me her meds because she was worried about my wieght loss. Without the medication, my weight slowly began creeping up again. Ive always had a binging problem, but it was only once the weight started piling on again that I turned to purging. I lost the wieght again and then some. It got to the point where i was binging/purging about 5 times per day. Eventually, I went to a walk in clinic and managed to obtain prescriptions for more dexadrine (the doctor seriously did not even question whether or not I actually had adhd. I just told him i used to take it and was wanting to take it again). Anyways, for about a year now, i’ve alternated between days of binging/purging and days when i take dexadrine and eat little to nothing. I wake up every morning thinking “which one am i going to do today”. I dont even remember what its like to have a normal meal to relieve my hunger. its always either one extreme or the other. I keep thinking I can beat this disease but all it takes is one bad day and it all goes out the window. i need help. I keep telling myself this is a phase and i’ll grow out of it…..but i’m well aware that is not the case.
  39. adviceplease says:
    haleycoutrney & amy,
    im going through the same thing…i became really strict with diet and exercising and because ive lost my period, i have had no choice but to start eating (pressure from my mum) so now i eat so much more and stuff myself with nuts and ben and jerrys everyday. however, the weight has gone on my tummy and back and i cant help but cry and think that im fat when i look in the mirror. im thinking of going back to the strictness once my period returns but i cant wait any longer. btw, my gp has booked me in for a blood test for next month….anyone know why???? pls reply back
  40. CM says:
    I went through the same thing. I was anorexic, then binged ate. However now I have fully recovered and live a happy, healthy life. It is hard and sometime you feel so stifled but people should know help is possible, try getting therapy or read self help book. Like many, i was too ashamed to tell people so I had to do it myself, I read many self help books and eventually I learned to listen to my body and eat the right amount of food for my body, I eat treats without feeling guilt or feeling the urge to eat until I feel whimsical.
    It is better, I understand it seems like it will never end, but be strong and stay calm. People should not judge you on what you look like, if they do, they are not worth knowing.
    It does get better.
  41. Olga says:
    Hello
    I am 16 and I have eating disorder for 2 years now. First when i was 14 I got anorexia. I wanted to lose some weight and become healthy, so I exercised and ate only healthy foods, but then I became obsessed and I couldnt stop, So I stopped eating and only ate very rarely, when my parents were watching. I lost a lot of weight in few month and people who new me were shocked because i changed so much. Then I was forced to see the doctor, and he told me that I must eat, otherwise I’ll have to go to the hospital. So i started eating and having a healthy lifestyle, in about 6 month I gained some weight and I felt happy cause I new I was becoming healthy again. But then I dont know why, but I started bingeing. At first i didnt pay attention to that and I thought its normal. But then the binges became bigger and more frequent, I started to gain a lot of weight. I told my parents but they didnt take it serious. I told myself that i will stop. But I couldnt stop and couldnt control my binges. I feel so bad about that, now im binging for 1 year, and my mom still doesnt want to understand me. I feel so terrible, that i wish i was dead sometimes. Each time i binge i say iits my last time but then in about a week it repeats. I dont know what to do, i cry all the time, hate myself, i am so ashamed of what i do, and I know that my life could me so much better without this disorder. I feel so misarable, I have no friends cause i am ashamed of myself and think that people would hate me. I just cant live like that any more, i really want to change, but im scared that i am not strong enough and that im gonna fail. But at the same time i realise that i cant go on like this anymore. I read so many stories of people with binge eating disorder, and i tried so many ways but nothing helps me. I decided to write my story here because it makes me feel better somehow, maybe because i know other people with the same problem will read this and understand me.
  42. Danielle says:
    Thank you all for sharing, it’s been interesting to hear of your experiences and know I’m not the only one out there who feels the same. I have been suffering from bulimnia for 6 years now. I go through binges where I feel powerless to how much I do eat, my mind and body constantly turning to food for comfort to snuff out whatever sad or uncomfortable emotion is bothering me. I normally feel so guilty and scared of gaining weight I turn to purging for “damage control” although I know it probably only furthers the vicious cycle. I go through phases where I escape the ED for awhile and feel great, but then I start to become overly restrictive and an over-perfectionist in everything I eat. It feels hard and frustrating to strike a normal healthy balance and be just free to live life fully, rid of the constant reliance and unhealthy focus on food. I know it needs to stop, and I’m tried of binging and purging and waiting to start over and really live for that “tomorrow” that never comes. Today’s society places so much importance on looking a certain way, and let’s face it it’s alittle delusional – by no means does 50% of the population look like Heidi Klum and it isn’t reasonable we feel like we need to reflect a freakishly perfect strand of genetics. What I have also realized, in my opinion, is that while an ED does prey on our fears of our outward appeareance it is engrained so much deeper with inward issues we have yet to solve. It is not just our weight we are unhappy with but we are not at peace or truly love ourselves, constantly trapped in the ED cycle self-sabotage. We need to look inwards and work through whatever subdued hurt and reasons we feel so insecure with our true selves in order for outward change to happen as well. Life is too short to feel like we go through it only half living each day. Overcoming an eating disorder is one of the most challenging things we may ever have to do, but the rewards of feeling alive and the shift in perspective to all the goodness we can be letting into our lives if it isn’t filled with our addiction around food is entirely worth it. I feel hopeless and ashamed some days, but I also know there is a light at the end of the tunnel if one dedicates themself to finding it. So please remind yourselves, be forgiving to yourself and take it day by day. I’m sure you are all beautiful people underneath who are just hurting from something too and using your ED as a crutch to try and fill an internal void like I am. Things do not magically repair themselves like the switch of a light but the steps you take, even the smallest ones, is something to feel proud of and will hopefully one day help you to a better way of existence too.
  43. Kris says:
    Hi everyone-
    Thanks so much for all your postings. I to am a bulimic. I have been like this for about 10 years now starting at an age that is much older than the “average bulimic”. I do really regret even starting the whole binge and purge thing. It’s an everyday battle for me. I’ve come to the realization that I am not going to let it beat me. There are so many health issues that arise from doing it. I love me and if people can’t accept me for how I look than screw them. I’m glad you all posted your thoughts on this because at one point I felt that I was truly alone.
    Kris recently posted…Mama’s Monday Favorite: Gentle love

1 comment:

  1. My wife has been drinking this delicious weightloss coffee! The Burn+Control coffee is South African Estate Grown Coffee blended with Garcinia Cambogia and Yerba Mate to burn fat and control your appetitie. We get ours at www.mynewcup.com

    ReplyDelete